I really didn't think you had, but I wanted to point out that when the LBS "feels" they are groveling, they have gotten off track somewhere, somehow.
I think you will have to lay that boundary about no talking of OM unless in the MC session. (Suggest she talk to IC if she needs to talk about him, but stop talking avout him to H.) And if she cannot have a discussion about the R problems "before" the A started without repeating this old pattern of bringing OM into it, then you will leave. I don't mean permanently, but get away from her. You should know your limits by now. Don't think you hear another talk about great OM made her feel......and you not lose it. You've tried too many times.
Without getting angry or using bad language, tell her firmly (with a lowered voice) that you cannot handle any more discussions about her AP. You do not intend to have a repeated fight b/c it is not solving anything, much less "connecting" the two of you. If she does not honor the boundary and talks about him, you leave the house. Get away from the scene that is emotionally charged and get a hold on yourself.
Look, she's going to think whatever she wants to think. But hopefully she will learn you will no longer stay around to listen to this same talk that ends in a fight.
Do you think you can enforce that one boundary?
I think I can see what she is trying to do, but she is handling it the wrong way. That is why I said the C needs to get her attention about this, before things end in a D. If the C is not offering solutions in what to do at home, what good is the MC doing?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
