Thanks Old Dog for taking the time to respond in detail to my post to you. You seem like such a good man!! Kind, thoughtful and caring.
Indeed you are caught in a bit of a bind. Your sons want and need you around. You are unsure whether your absence working away has caused or contributed to your problem, so you don't know if now you should be around more or less.
I get it.
I really respect that you can put up with the situation for your kids. But I ask you, are you SURE you are doing it for the kids or just because you want to have the crumbs of your marriage? Do you have to be in the house with her to be around the kids? Maybe getting a separate place nearby is possible?
I don't mean to push you but I think the way things are going is the way things will keep going unless you make a big change. I don't know what that is. Maybe it isn't moving out, maybe it is just a conversation you need to have with her - setting boundaries.
What about ... shock ... you get the house on the weekends and she has to go stay elsewhere? Why should you or the kids suffer if she no longer wants the marriage?
I feel like she is taking advantage of you big time and does not respect you. So I say do something about it.
I know it is so difficult. I've been through a similar thing. When BD first happened for me my H was still happily living in the house and partying with OW and coming home late. Still sleeping in the same bed. I questioned whether to kick him out for my sanity and self-respect or to let him stay around and hope I could win him back with my DB techniques. Looking back I am not 100% sure I made the right decision. Maybe I could have shocked him another way, by leaving on vacation or something. But I am pretty sure he was determined to go off with OW no matter what. Anyway, the short story is that I asked him to move out and he did the next day. Did it help my situation? I don't know. But at least then I didn't have to look at his stupid face every day and lie awake all night waiting for him to come home from his dates. I could have some self respect and start living my OWN life.
I don't know if my rant will help you, but really think about what you want.
