Thanks for the tough love and honesty. What I am sharing with you all are my inner frustrations; the changes I am making are completely sincere. Another huge driver for the changes is my son. In a fit of inconvenient timing, I came to my personal crisis point when my wife stopped reaching for me and my infant son started to connect with me (right before the age of 2). My wife doesn't believe that it wasn't just her closing me out that made me want to change; but it is the truth. I had become an angry and unhappy person, and with this young person sitting there totally helpless, reaching for me, man it made me want to change. It was a wake up call (reinforced by my wife closing me out); no way was I going to subject this child to an emotional roller coaster - my relationship with him was something that is totally within my control.
The irony was that I had thought that I didn't want a child and I was never great with kids before; but the minute he started to really speak and engage, I saw a different world. And if for no other reason, I want to be a better person because of him. He deserves the best and I have to power to give it to him.
So, what I am sharing with regards to changes and queries about how I can get through to my wife are not insincere changes meant to only win her back, but more managing my expectations with regards to understanding how long it took for some of you all to make progress. I am in it for the long haul, as long as she is willing, since with my son in the picture I will never 'backslide.' It is simply not an option - I don't want to be an angry, suspicious, controlling person. And I won't be.
