Jbird#2 Separated Living Together Need Advice

[25yearsmlc]

Thanks Mozza, great advice. I will start posting on other peoples threads, even if it's just encouragement.


That's kind of you, J. But I'm not sure it's what Mozza meant when he suggested you take a serious look at your choices. Examine them, without fear, for 10 minutes on a daily basis and see what evolves.

Of course, encouragement to others to follow/stay on course with DBing, is a good idea, anyhow. It may help YOU to do the same, eh?


I lost my confidence to advise anyone, as I DB'd successfully, so I thought and now I'm back to square one.

I wonder if I should walk away? I wonder if I want to DB and reconcile? Either way I'll DB.


Those^^ are 2 questions ONLY YOU can answer. You need not answer them today but realize NO ONE HERE is going to answer these for you.


Yet, you sort of do answer at the end of it. "Either way"...you need to GAL and Detach. YES you must.

Even if you reconcile and stay married, YOU my friend, are too enmeshed and co-dependent to function happily as a man on his own. At least that's how I see it.

You are filled with one worry and concern about HER< after another and that is no way to live.

Married or not, it's just not healthy. I hope you will realize this soon.


I still love W and am very attracted to her. We have been remarried 7 years and we had been closer than we had ever been. Two glitches set us back, being sexually attacked by a coworker triggered PTSD and Major Depression and then her relapse on pain killers in Sept 2014.


If 2 events, even traumatic ones, have completely broken your m, then I think there were underlying issues within the relationship and or within you two as individuals or just her....but does this really still matter?

Why bring it up so often? I am asking you to ask yourself that.

It's NOT a judgement on my end, but a question for YOU to ask yourself b/c it sounds as if you are trying to convince someone of something....

My situation is heavy like you said, so I have to find more things to GAL, which enhances my mood and self confidence.

So what are you going to join, explore, learn, begin or see THIS MONTH?

For GAL suggestions, let me mention some of what I did when we lived in the interior of Alaska, including in the winter.

Also we had 3 kids, including a baby (so I don't really want to hear about how '' you are 'too busy' to GAL).

Inertia is the greatest enemy to GAL, with fear a close second. Overcome those & you'll be well on your way to a happier more fulfilling life.

IMO, the more you overcome fear & inertia, the better your R's will be with all people, including your w.

I volunteered at a battered women's shelter.

I coached a girl's softball team, two summers (my older D was on it).
I was on the board of directors for Wrestling, (& our son wrestled).

I auditioned for community theater and met some fun creative people. I got cast, too. This has lead to a lot of other wonderful things in my life that would not have occurred, had I not extended myself.

I did stand up comedy (and yes, I still do it). I did a whole set once on a MLCs at the Hollywood Improv. It went very well.

I learned to cross country ski, became a better shooter.

I Learned to hunt big game, to deep sea fish, & I got better at downhill skiing.

I learned to use a snowmobile (or, "snow machine" to Alaskans) I loved riding, & getting outdoors.

I Learned to fly a plane, and I got a pilot's license.

I Went skydiving! I Loved it so much I did it again. I plan on doing it again, soon!

Edited a book. (The book ended up on the Best Seller's List. Who knew?)

I Worked out 3-4 times a week, and I did get in excellent shape. Looking good made a world of difference to me. Found a work out partner and began socializing after the work outs.

(Plus I'd just had our last child and needed to lose the baby weight. It was not easy to do, let alone in the dark, deathly cold of their LONG winters).


Saw a therapist and for some months, went on ADs.

Took a pottery class (very odd for me to do, but I liked it a lot).

Joined the Officer's Wives club after 15 years of active duty.

(Wish I had joined sooner! Met two women who are life long friends to this day.)

Joined a writer's group
Took a class in Conversational French
Took a class in Italian cooking

There is more, but I just wanted to suggest to you a few things you can do that do not cost a lot. Other than pilot training, most of these ^^ activities were free, or quite cheap.

I'm not trying to be harsh, I am hoping to awaken you & get you on track, ASAP.

So, what's it going to be this month/week/day?