Life 2.0 Pt 4

[Squiggy]

Finally got home from second job, so I wanted to check in on you. You said it's one thing while you are not triggered, it is easy. Absolutely. Sandi brought up a good point with the anger management classes. One of the things they teach you is to be aware of warning signs within yourself. You already know triggers (hot topics in this case). When you start to get angry, what are some of the things that go on with you? Think in terms of physical sensations (jaw clenching, muscle tension, bugs crawling, heart pounds, etc.), thoughts ("I can't believe she's doing this again", "Here is more talk about him", etc.), and feelings.

Keep in mind, anger is more like a behavior than an emotion. I use the iceberg analogy a lot. What we see is the tip of the iceberg, which is only about 1/3 of the whole thing. We see that behavior. However, there are more true feelings underneath it: insecurity, frustration, impatience, despair, fury, depression..You name it.

I also want to echo what Sandi said about the groveling. Really ask yourself what you mean by that. DB/DR says that we are the first to make the changes. We lead the way. Sometimes you have to agree with them from THEIR perspective, not your's. The biggest tool I use in therapy is called reframing. It allows me to agree with almost anything, because I can see where they are coming from. Think about where she is at in this process.