Been away from board for a couple weeks, just catching up.

So update –

Went away for a week to see a girlfriend, had a lovely time and whilst I was away got a phone call with an interview offer so travelled back home early for it.

I did not get the job but was put forward for a receptionist position within the same company. Did not get that one either as quite a few with reception experience applied too. Ah well.

My B’s partner and daughter went away for a couple of weeks which was nice as the atmosphere in the house had not been good; I find that I have walked straight in to a relationship with problems - just what I don’t need lol … Since arriving friends and family have been warning me about B’s partner, that she is unhinged and has alienated quite a few in the village, I also began to receive offers of rooms for when the “inevitable” happened. Well I thought everyone was just messing with me – until last Friday. OMG - I have never been spoken to or felt so scared or threatened in my life, she went nuts. She has been prodding the mama bear in me since I arrived (long story why, but S21 visited them 3yrs ago and caused a bit of chaos partying hard) but Friday, she went too far and for the first time in my life I stood my ground (honestly, at school I was the one hiding from the bullies in the toilets at lunchtime) but for some reason, whether it was mama bear or whether I just swallowed a brave pill that day, I haven’t a clue – but I gave her a few home truths and in the swing of it all made myself homeless – eek! My belongings had only just arrived from NZ that morning so I now had a garage full of stuff and myself to find a home within 48hrs.

Thankfully, everyone who had pre-emptied this did come to my rescue and over the weekend we moved all my stuff out and I have found places to stay for the next few weeks until I can sort out what I want to do. To add to the occasion of it all, I have come down with Flu and my voice has gone – which was not very effective for a slanging match :o/

So I am currently jobless and homeless – living out of a suitcase and couch surfing and wondering how I managed to get myself chucked out of my own home ??!!

Back in NZ – S21 split from g/friend and moved in with H and ow. H got S21 a job with his company and he is now looking for his own place, but hinted he is happy with h and ow for now. I know I should swallow my jealousy that she is now a part of my S life, how do you get past that?

S18 is back at his home, found a new evening job and renting a small studio room – he starts college next week. Passed his full driving test and is happy – so all good with him.

Me – well, I have no idea what I am doing. Thinking of returning to NZ, just stop running away from my stich and settle down, get on with life. It’s been a huge learning curve coming here and with the latest development I see now that when my back is against the wall (literally) I can get myself out of trouble – asked for help, which is a huge thing for me– and here I am, still going, still surviving.

It was pointed out to me yesterday that now h has a joint bank account with ow, in his head this relationship is for keeps or he would not have taken that step. That really hit home – I am keeping hope alive as I don’t want to let go of him and us, but am I holding on to something that is never going to happen. I am not sitting still or waiting around for him, I am moving forwards (taking a very crazy rollercoaster route I admit), with each situation that I experience I deal with it, learn and keep going onwards; however I feel in my heart that he is and will always be my one ….. is that crazy ……. IDK – I really don’t understand what this is or what happened to us.

Can a mlc’er completely change their life, move on with someone else and then do a 180o and regret leaving what they had – the grass was not greener, sigh.

It would be very helpful to have an app that tells us LBS what is going on in our h/w head – what they are actually feeling and thinking – as I do wonder if all this “happiness” that my h projects out is really true – was I that terrible a w that now he is free from me his world is a better place.

So thats all from my world - thanks for listening xx