I've had to step back and let all of your words sink in. I don't know what I'd do without you guys, ALL of you.
uR, your wisdom and experience is so precious to me that I can't properly express how much I need it and thoroughly appreciate it. I know what you've been through was horrific, though I don't know the specifics. I also know that given who you are today, it was worth it.
I can't really pinpoint exactly what I'm afraid of with this talk with stbx. I know what he wants and i know how he feels about me. I'm not even hoping to change his mind. I'm just uninterested in what he wants and what he thinks. I just want to file, have attys work out the specifics and be done.
I know it doesnt' work like that... I mean, it could, but it'd be better if it didn't.
D7 has been getting in trouble a lot at school. It's all related to whatever issues we're dealing with with her and the whole reason for her upcoming testing. It's not until March and her teacher, principal and mother (me) are completely at our wits end with her. I really need this testing to NOT just come back saying "yeah, so she has attention issues that we can address". There is SO MUCH more than just attention issues here and there has been since BIRTH. This isn't just bad behavior in reaction to her parents ambiguous marital status... this is the same stuff and she is just not figuring it out despite my INCREDIBLE efforts.
I talked with stbx last night on the phone about what's going on in school with her. I suggested some things and made some requests for more consistency at his place, fewer video games (if any) and a for-reals-no-seriously on-time bedtime for her when she is with him. Strangely, he was receptive and not defensive at all. There is absolutely no predicting how he'll react to anything so it's always a surprise when he's receptive.
With this impending divorce, D7's excessive behavior issues and the unknown of the future I really feel like i have a lot on my plate. Too much, really. I'm exhausted but I'm still standing.
I've chosen to step back from those three "friends" (one of them is the pearl clutcher) who have not been there for me AT ALL through this. I get, on average, 150 texts a day from that group of ladies and NOT ONE is asking how I'm doing or if I need support, a hug, a listening ear... I just can't with them anymore. I deserve better friends in my life. I just do.
Anyway, this is a super scattered post... pretty indicative of where my brain is... or isn't. Ha!
Taking baby steps... working my way up to that chat with stbx.
