Devotion to a dream...

[phunguy]

First, let me thank all of you. I have been lurking for a week now since my wife of 12 years(together 20) dropped the bomb on me 1/26. Shattered, astounded, angry, hurt, all that. She had threatened before but those were usually in the heat of disagreement. Last week was a roller coaster of emotions, this past weekend was one of the most difficult times in my life. This place and many of your stories and ideas have helped me tremendously. I have been reading the site and posts since about Wed. last week when I searched how to save a marriage. I have ordered the book and can't wait to get my hands on it.

I do not want a divorce and have already put some things I've read here into action, let me say, she has immediately noticed me wearing cologne(I never do and she actually complimented as smelling good the other morning) and I actually went out with some friends(can't tell you the last time I did) last Saturday and had cologne on and I know she noticed it then too as she gave me a look after walking past me before I left the house. I've also tried to distance myself from her and not start conversations unless necessary or seem to needy. I started running again! In response to her I have been calm and cool. I may have made a few mistakes in the day or so immediately after the bomb but nothing too bad. I was emotional, begged/pleaded, and was angry/yelled. A lot has happened since then but she seems set in her decision as never before.

I freely admit I am not perfect, I'm quick to anger/rage, I yell, lose patience and have been generally miserable because of our relationship over this last year or longer. I've had a suspicion she's been cheating on me though I only have circumstantial evidence for the last year or so. She claims to have given up and "checked out" her words but not cheated because she knows how devastating it would be to me. We always agreed that if our relationship ever did end that we would not do that to each other, because we agree that is one of the worst things you can do to someone. There's so much more but this is probably a good start.

I've learned from here that I have to take care of myself right now and I'm trying to be the best I can be.

I've got faith in this fairy tale, devotion to a dream...