Gogofo - LRT letter - planning a new beginning

[gogofo]

Sandi

I have read through your very first thread that you recently posted a link to. All I can say is WOW! Your strength to be open with your feelings and fight for your M and H during those times is extraordinary.

When reading that thread I learned so much more about what my WAW must have been feeling and it even explained some of her actions. One thing that really stood out was how you explained that you wanted to fight for your H and knew he loved you, but you just did not feel attracted to him.

What hit me was how difficult it was just to be in the same room as him. I did not understand this struggle as fully as I do now. The way you explain your feelings was hitting me hard. I now see how my W would feel pressure by some of the things I was doing, but to me they did not seem to be creating pressure.

I now see how the simple act of cuddling with my W at night would make her feel overwhelmed and pressured. The way your describe your feelings and emotions were much more effective than any relationship book I have read. You just put your emotions out there, raw, and did not seek any excuses for them.

The help you received from others during your first thread was also amazing and I can see why you still hang out here.

Every LBH should be required to read this. I am still in awe of what I have learned from it.

Now I understand how my W said she was trying her hardest to work on the R, but from my perspective it did not seem like she was doing much. I did not understand the internal struggle of trying to get back those loving feelings for me. How just being near me or holding hands were great leaps for her to make in her intimacy with me.

For me my whole body ached just to hold her hand or to embrace her and kiss her. It took a team of horses to hold back the passionate feelings I had for my W. The fire was still there for me, I didn't understand that is was a faded memory for her.

I feel like a fool with some of my actions and ignorance towards the attempted reconciliation with my W. Could have, should have, would have...

I know I am rambling, but I just feel like I got a direct line into the secret mind of the WAW and her feelings towards her husband and OM.

Thanks again Sandi.