You are so right, raliced. I'm just making myself crazy for no reason because it is totally uninforceable. I would just love for him to consider our daughter's needs and comfort first for once. I need to leave it alone. Also, our conversation confirmed that he is still seeing this OW and is thinking about her in the long-term sense (he mentioned taking vacations with her and our D14). Whatever. Good riddance to him. I hope he takes her to visit his crazy family full of selfish, polyamorous narcissists. I'm sure she'll fit right in.
M: 43 H: 39 D: 14 Married 15 Together 16 BD: 6/2014 S: 8/2014 OW revealed 10/2014 Instigated dissolution 12/2014, in progress So over it!
FWIW- I'm guessing the time to have this conversation with them is when they are inbetween relationships (if that ever happens). They're too hopped up on that new relationship high to have these considerations for their kids (I can't tell you how judgemental STBX used to be about other people's situations, and now look at him - it's just evidence that he isn't completely in right mind).
That's my plan anyway....if that opportunity ever comes to pass.
The day I discovered he had been living with OW since BD and he came to my daughter's soccer game- I literally put my hand up and told him to spare me all the excuses about there being issues with the marriage and that it was clear that his actions were about one thing only. I then told him to do some research about how bad it is for kids to be exposed to their parent's new romantic partners too soon. I doubt he took me up on that....That's as close as we've ever come to having a conversation about it.
raliced and rppfl -- I really appreciate your feedback. I needed it. It's difficult to get feedback about the D logistics on this forum, probably because so many are busy trying to avoid that, but I don't know where else to turn.
I slept terribly after my conversation with H. It's just hard to wrap my brain around the fact that he is moving on with someone he hardly knows except through the internet (they've spent less than a month in each other's presence, but it's enough for him to toss away our marriage and family). Of course I don't want to be with someone capable of that, but I still have moments of disbelief, when I just can't believe this is the person he's become.
I'm going to let the morality clause go. All of his actions this past year prove he has no morals, so why should I expect otherwise. I can't police his behavior once we're D, I just hope he keeps our daughter's feelings in mind.
M: 43 H: 39 D: 14 Married 15 Together 16 BD: 6/2014 S: 8/2014 OW revealed 10/2014 Instigated dissolution 12/2014, in progress So over it!
If the morality clause is a deal breaker for him it might be best to let it go. I tried the same thing and it got shot down. The WAS sees it as an attempt to control their actions, not an attempt to protect your D. Unfortunately you will just have to make sure your D knows that it is wrong and why. In my sitch I could see it coming so I addressed it ahead of time. I made sure the boys understood that it is morally wrong and why. Sure enough, 2 weeks later they came back with big news that WAW had her AP stay all night. The worst part about it all? The boys had a friend stay over that night too.
M42 W40 T17 M15 S13 S11 BD 7-14 A discovered 7-14 WAW moved out 10-3-14 D final 2-23-15
I do know of 2 situations where a morality clause was part of a dissolution. The only way to enforce it is to file contempt of court charges.
Ahoy, I figured that I would never understand why my W walked so I just decided to go with the "alien in her brain" concept and the "addicted to the A" concept. Trying to gain any further understanding for me was futile.
Last edited by bdub; 02/03/1507:20 PM.
M42 W40 T17 M15 S13 S11 BD 7-14 A discovered 7-14 WAW moved out 10-3-14 D final 2-23-15
It's difficult to get feedback about the D logistics on this forum, probably because so many are busy trying to avoid that, but I don't know where else to turn.
Actually, there are quite a few of us on here, that while we DB'ed our butts off, still ended up getting divorced.
And made it through to the other side and are thriving.
Everybody hurts. It's part of life. Don't miss the good stuff.
Hi Ahoy. Sorry you in a bad place over D and H relationship. I can't give any advice but I would hope that your H will see what this could do to your D. I read a lot about the fog and limerance or honeymoon period but it's hard to understand how something as important as Ds feelings.
Sorry I can't offer any advice but I do keep up on your sitch. Take care. Rd
I do know of 2 situations where a morality clause was part of a dissolution. The only way to enforce it is to file contempt of court charges.
And this just might be my downfall. Because i am totally willing to haul his a$$ into court time after time on this particular issue. I suspect I am going to need to get over this before I get to the paperwork stage.
Thank you all so much for your support, and for weighing in on the morality clause. I think you're right that it's futile, and I'll just have to urge my daughter to speak up for her self if she is uncomfortable with her dad's actions. I'm trying to let go, really. The whole thing brought up a lot of sad feelings for me, a sense of abandonment and such. I don't even want him back, but the rejection of our life together and our family still stings. I've been feeling so good about moving forward up until now -- I guess the emotional setbacks are to be expected.
M: 43 H: 39 D: 14 Married 15 Together 16 BD: 6/2014 S: 8/2014 OW revealed 10/2014 Instigated dissolution 12/2014, in progress So over it!
Hang in there Ahoy. Keep fighting and keep your D a priority. To me the hardest part of the whole thing is how the kids are no longer a priority for the WAS. Sometimes mine seem like an inconvenience almost. It is sad.
M42 W40 T17 M15 S13 S11 BD 7-14 A discovered 7-14 WAW moved out 10-3-14 D final 2-23-15
