I don't want a D but I also dont want this M the way it is now. This week has been a hard one, my emotions are spinning. I'm back to wondering more then I should be about my H and if he is really working all this OT or with OW? My mind constantly flips to that if there is any changes in time H comes home, what time he comes to bed etc,, if he calls me before he goes to work.
I'm tired, tired of wondering, tired of waiting and hoping H will start to "work" on our M, tired of waiting on H to wear his ring..
Maybe this month is got me thinking, it was last year I discovered OW H had sent her and me flowers for valentines day,,,her flowers were red roses, mine were various pastels.
The day I found out, I crashed our wedding frames, ripped up the picture, threw out our unity candel, ripped up the wedding picture in the basement, wished I was strong enough to BEAT down H..it was horrible my heart was broken.
I'm NOT ok in this M, the way things are are NOT ok with me.
It's almost 2 years, sometimes I think, I pray things are better, small glimpes but I'm losing hope, I'm getting real tired.
I thought about D and how it would affect my life and my son, so I try to hang in, I sometimes hope H will end it, hope he will file for D and go away quietly without a fight. I want us to be friends to remain great co parents...but I want way more then H can or wants to give me as far as a R.
I know you all say "when the LBS is done they know"..I think I know but I'm scared to really file for a D to make that final step, scared to raise S14 alone, scared about how financially things will really change for S14 and I.
JUST SCARED
Me 43 ring off Oct 2014 (my ring back on Feb 2015) H 51 (ring off 7/2013) M 2007 T 1996 S 14 July 2013- H told me he was unhappy.....said he is staying for Son Feb 18 2014 Found out about OW
