Susana (2) - Learning to detach

[susana4]

Thanks for the bday wishes Toots and Complex!

I had a pretty good birthday, with a few ups and downs, until it ended in tears over something silly!

I kept reminding myself what you said Toots about there being a few cr@ppy bdays in life.

I had a great massage but after i left I had a lot of texts from my friends and 2 out of the 5 people coming to my birthday dinner cancelled, so I was pretty disappointed and felt let down by them.

Still had a nice dinner for the most part, and then I texted H and asked him if he wanted to meet me for a drink after my dinner (I know this was inviting him to something but this was bearing in mind someone's advice that it's OK if I invite him to join stuff, as long as I'm not attached to the outcome/whether he says yes or no). I also felt a bit justified because he gave me 2 tickets to see a comedian I love for my birthday, so he'd already sort of invited me to do something.

Anyway, H and I met for some drinks and long story short I ended up having a bit too much to drink. I got a bit flirtatious and he was looking down my top, then we went home and watched a bit of TV and cuddled. And then for some reason I thought it would be a good idea to climb up on top of the kitchen counter (like I said, had had a few too many drinks at this point), and H got angry and started shouting at me to come down, but the angrier he got the more upset I got because at that point I was scared and in the state I was in wasn't sure how I could get down without breaking a leg. I ended up bursting into tears and he picked me up off the counter, but then I got mad at him for shouting at me and we had an argument.

It was stupid, and I regretted it afterwards because it's the first argument we've had since December (stopping having arguments was one of my 180s!)

Having just read MAFMWAFV the whole argument was exactly like the book and could have been used as an example dialogue in there! He invalidated my feelings, I then criticised him (of being 'mean'), and he invalidated my feelings some more. Could have carried on in an endless circle but luckily I stepped back and saw what was happening and stopped it.

I explained to him I'd been reading a bit about how men and women communicate lately, and explained a bit, and then he apologised for invalidating my feelings, and I apologised for criticising, and we made up and then had another tickle fight.

It wasn't too bad but I do feel guilty for backsliding off my 180 of no arguing.

Now I've made it through my birthday (and Christmas and New Year's), just need to brace myself for the rest of the 'season'...there's Valentine's Day, followed by our anniversary and then his birthday... Will be glad when that's done!