WAW affair admitted 2

[Ontheup]

Mr Bond

Your killing me right now sat here bloody crying!

I know everything you're saying is right. It is hard for me to step back and look at it all rationally.
My ego and pride I know are very much stood in my way at the moment.

I do need to stand up, I do need to take ownership of what I have done and stop looking out with blame.

When I talk about wanting my wife back I am trying to take an honest view. I don't actually know. it is my pride and ego that says I do. So I can say I won. I got her back from you. For what. So that in months/years to come we're in the same boat. Your right, my reasons for wanting her back right now are not sincere.

My daughter hasn't seen me of wife arguing about our relationship. We have very rarely argued in front of her we generally get on very well together. When we have it was always something trivial like taking a wrong turn while driving. She has been kept well away from any issues we have.
Of course my friends don't judge. They are my friends. It doesn't mean what I did was right. I know that.
Her friends don't judge her either.

Cat before wife wasn't a conscious decision. I will miss him though

Your right, my 1 night stand is no different. I still lied about it and never told the truth.

I get the affair bit. Its insular. what you both feel drives it. What I was getting at is that it just confirms the fantasy. If my wife wasn't in the affair and I read her the story about what she is doing I'm sure she would be appalled. I know she would as her best friend has been involved with married men before and her advice wasn't to carry on seeing them. that's goes ditto for me as well. Its not real in the sense of a "normal" open relationship. Again maybe this is my ego. It makes me feel better to think of it like that.

Yes my one night stands were to stroke my ego. I was pursued and it felt good. I have told her this and yes I try and dumb it down make what I did seem less horrible even though I know it wasn't.

Are you a religious man Mr bond?

I never have been and never really got it but this whole thing makes me feel like I just want to go to church and confess everything and anything I've ever done wrong.