Jim0987 #11 - Mk8's user manual needs some work

[edz]

You are doing very well mate especially considering you had inhouse then this I think that shows real fortitude.

Interesting question Toots, my manly (honest) thoughts are that as you know Im in the 6 (nearly 7) month club here since w left. I know that even if there had been an opportunity anything I started would have been a disaster over this time.

I'm equally not sure what I want now which to me says any doubt and you're best concentrating on something else like GAL or even decorating but dont fixate on finding new partners (for a start can you imagine the expectations that would place on a potential new partner to satisfy our emotional needs or the codependency threat - personally I need to be past that before thinking about someone else lovely as close company would be).


Any of this, of course, (to me) then rules out reconciliation. If thats still an option and I want more than friendship then I need to just be patient. If I'm beyond the emotional point where I can wait then I need to be open with w - which we did speak about early on - I'm not there yet so no seeking someone for me. W is closer(ish) but not sending me any signals or signs that she's interested in anything than being friendly so I'm just trying to stay lovingly detached right now and not only show I'm getting on with life but *actually* get on with my life with the exception of seeking someone new either really or appearing to (I know viewpoints on that last part are wide, I just know my W hates any kind of playing games and it could badly backfire)

I haven't mentioned physical needs here (I think a lot of us skirt around discussing it). I know on the board we all have different outlooks and what constitutes a relationship. To me they've always been one and the same, if 'your' (I.e. the general thread visitors - not you Jim or you Toots) mileage varies I'd never judge and if everyone involved is happy and stays safe then great. For me, no ons or casual thanks - thats just me though. I think that is a driving point for a lot of guys rushing into a new r though.

My mind *is* drifting on possibilities and Im less anchored to needing to know what w is/was up to (thing excepted) have I moved on at all from bd? Yes, enough to say goodbye and let her take her journey and me take another, nope. So its not a good idea to drag someone else in unless its really understood its for friendship full stop (why would any of us put someone else through the waiting game we play?)

Jim, I read and re-read your post. I think you have the same duality I have going on (obv my w seems a little warmer - sometimes - but its no slam dunk she'll come back or even think about coming back) if so as Toots says put purposeful new relationships (dating) in a box for now, get on with enjoying your life with the kids and if a natural opportunity pops up with someone you meet maybe then think about it for platonic company and don't attach any heavy expectations.

I dont think I'll be being bombarded with opportunities myself but thats fine for me, my cake is still cooking will w prove to be the icing or not or will it be a new white chocolate whipped cream covering? I've no idea (mmm cake, this metaphor is your fault Toots )

As Toots said in her post, I dont know if that helps at all mate just my viewpoint on it all.

Just keep going mate, you are doing really well, let us know how you get on with those canvases!