Wow, the subject is getting hot around here. Depending on how long we stay on these boards we probably need to be treated like vampires - always thirsty for a new blood, G.
Maybe Michelle can come up with some kind of annual conference and we all could meet one day. I am so sure we would laugh out heads off.
The one easy to find would be GG with her hot red high hills. Can you believe it, all of us good people in one room?
And Edz, don't blame yourself, I also think that after these whole intensive learning we go through here, that we are definitely good people, a lot more worthy then when we started that's for sure.
RD, you are probably seeing some progress in your sitch and that is why you want to have your W very close. Only you can tell if DB is working for you. As it's mention many times in these boards, we need to be very patient. What took a few or many years to get damage won't take a few months to heal.
Hi Pink. Thanks for posting. I defiantly don't see any improvement for my M. Mall I see is W heading down avert long dark road m. I have come to terms with why she no longer loves me but it's hard to see the effect on my children known g I'm at least 50% to blame
Sometimes it hard to read all the other sitchs as it seems that there is never a good outcome.
When you talk about a 'good outcome' I would agree that we don't see loads of sitches that lead to reconciliation. But I'm conscious of the often long time frames of sitches too.
I think what we see more of is sitches where the LBS moves on in a genuinely happy place, which I feel is a good outcome. And I keep trying to tell myself that - have faith that we may or we may not reconcile, but this work I'm doing and the approach I'm taking should be 'healing' in the longer term and help me move forward happily.
Hope you and the kids are doing ok OD. I agree with you about the lovely people on this board....it's hard not to be just a little bit in love with everyone here!! x
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Hi McBond, I did put seems. I hope no one took this the wrong way, without the support on this board my journey would be alot tougher. I highly value the moral and practical advice I get and even though I don't attract the vets anymore (McBonds last post excluded) I value the support I do get.
What I meant is that, in the sitchs I follow there doesnt seem to be alot of reconciling at the moment, I fully appreciate that I may have arrived at a quite time. I was in no way putting down the DB process.
Hi all, just have telphone conv. with W re D10 not wanting her to collect her on a wednesday anymore as D10 saw OM near her school when W collected her and got very upset. W started crying and said shes not sure how much more she can take. I ask W that if in future she does collect D10 could she drive other way. W got very upset and said she might just stop coming to she kids altogther as she was their mum for 20 years and it only took them a few months to move on. I explained that the kids do love her but obviously its very hard for them and it will take them time to come to terms. W finished call and sent a text apolgising for all the hurt she caused and how each week gets harder.
RD, I don't know how much more of this apologizing and crying you can take. I would be highly tempted to cut her off and keep the conversations to business matters only. It's got to be draining to have her crying on your shoulder all the time. Is that what you want? Is it helping?
It's intriguing that W gets all upset that her kids don't accept what she is doing. She is really in denial, thinking that her kids are 5 years old.
We are talking about big kids here, they get it all maybe much better then the adults involved. Your W needs help now, she will need to come to terms to understand that if she wants this new life then she will have consequences.
The kids don't need to accept her bad behavior much less have this idiot OM in their lives. Your W is replacing her family with some guy and wants everyone to bless her bad choices.
She has the right to say that she does not want to be married to you, but she has not right to impose the OM presence for the kids or you as a matter of fact.
There is something called "Respect" and she must learn the meaning of that word very fast or she will loose the little understanding she has from her kids.
Maybe there will be a way for you to tell her that it is not your responsibility to be bridge between her and the kids, it's not your job to make the kids understand that she is the mom and needs to be loved no matter what.
Why is this the WAS are so blind and so selfish to think that everyone needs to accept and understand everything they are doing even though they are the ones hurting their family.
Your W will have to understand that her choices and actions have serious consequences and she can't ignore the fact that her kids are hurting a lot right now, and will maybe hurt forever.
I know you can't blow on her, but she needs to get to terms of some responsibility of her actions. Maybe you too could go somewhere for dinner or so, and then you can express, very polite, no anger, all what she needs to understand about 4 teenagers and how it will impact their lives forever if there is not a clean path.
I hope she stops the crying guilt and start being a mother, but I also can see that she is total denial, she is just thinking about herself. You are the one with the hard load and yet in her eyes you are the one she can't come back to.
I will call on the vets to your sitch, it's time you get some better directions of what to do since it's involving a life of four innocent young people.
I can't say no more how I care for the little ones, I feel that even my R never gets better, I have an obligation to make minimal the suffering on my children.
