Jim0987 #11 - Mk8's user manual needs some work

[Sotto]

"Well, this all heads to the conclusion that I need to move on and sometimes the best way to move on is to actually move on rather than acting 'as if.'"

Jim, I've been thinking about this too lately. That the best way to DB isn't acting 'as if' - but hoping at some level, watching and waiting - but to truly move on without looking over your shoulder to even see what the WAS is doing. If you do that, you stay 'locked' in the situation to an extent.

I guess the thing I have a difficulty with - (and shoot me down for generalising) - but I think many guys equate this 'moving on' with dating. I've noticed on this forum that guys are much more inclined to seek other women at a much earlier stage (and sometimes much too soon IMO) than the ladies are.

Is it that men have more fragile egos and 'need' that feminine affirmation - IDK? I know this is all very controversial and I may well get come back on this. I recognise there are guys who don't do this - but I notice a trend.

I guess it bugs me a bit because I met my H a year after his S and before he was D. After we had been together a few months, his W asked him to go to counselling with her to see if they could reconcile. He ended our R, and I was already in love with him and very upset. He then asked me if we could still go out together whilst he and his W were having MC - I said 'no way!' and we split up for about 7 months until they had actually started D proceedings. Although when we met, he had been 'dating' for a while then, and in hindsight (tho maybe I was a bit naive at the time - it was too soon.)

I can understand why you feel this way, as things certainly seem 'cold' with your W. 'Cold' normally means anger - and behind this of course lies pain. My view is that whilst your sitch has been ongoing for some time - your S hasn't...And who knows what may happen with a little distance and time?

IMO, deciding to 'date' just a few weeks after S seems 'reactive' and I think it would be best to focus on getting 'your' life together and 'moving on' within yourself before dating. I can understand why you're getting it out of the box and having a look - but you still sound so conflicted - and it may be an idea to leave it in the box for now and healthier to focus on other 'healing' things in the meantime. You can always get it out of the box at some point.

I hope this is helpful - and I think you're doing really well Jim :-)