WAW affair admitted 2

[MrBond]

"Being a vet I value your opinion but I think some of what I'm trying to say is getting lost in written communication."

Actually I understand what you're trying to say quite well. In fact, your long response just verified it. And it also shows that you're not willing to listen yet and are keeping a scorecard.

"I agree I will no doubt find out who and what trusted means. I say trusted as I believe him to be. As far as im aware he does not think my wife is some sort of Sl**g. He has never once shown that."

Then you don't understand human nature. You told him your side with a heavy emphasis on the A. If your W were to talk to him, she would paint a very different picture. People naturally side with the person they know.

"Like I said, he doesn't know my wife, has never met my wife, nor is ever likely to meet my wife."

You never know.

"He is someone who just listens. I cant just carry this burden on my own. I do need to talk to someone."

Then talk to a professional counselor who will actually teach you something rather than just a sympathetic ear.

"As far as the comment about OM it was purely about OM. It was a comment my friend at work made as a joke."

Yes and it was sparked by your talk about your W. I don't see how you're not getting that correlation. He made a crude remark based off of what you told him. Not very helpful.

"It relieved the pain for a whole 10 seconds while I laughed. This wasnt sent to anyone. There was no derogatory term used about my wife at all."

Showing a c*ck to represent a guy whom your W is choosing to see over you, is a derogatory term used towards your W.

"As far as my friends you are off the mark. I have known these people nearly my whole life."

Which is why they're not going to "judge" you. You're they're buddy and quite honestly, if you were to commit a crime, they wouldn't be turning you in either no matter how uncomfortable they are. And so you told them that you had an A. That you were wrong to do, but they didn't scold you for it. Same way as your W's friends don't bug her about hers.

You had an A. Doesn't matter if it was a one night stand (you saying this is just you trying to justify it). Ask any woman on here and see if they wouldn't consider a ONS from there H as cheating.

"My wife texting mutual friend was not on. I could have been spiteful and told our mutual friend and the whole world what my wife is doing but i haven't."

You just did to your colleague.

"It isnt my place to do so."

But you did anyway.

"So yes it paints me out to be the only person who is in the wrong here."

No you're still keeping a scorecard. You want to be "right". You want to be recognized for your "sacrifice". You want recognition from your W.

"Granted i have done wrong also but you know what, if we both sat down with everyone i would be prepared to tell my side of the story. Get it all out."

Why do you feel like EVERYONE needs to know? This is a matter between you and your W. Period.

"Would my wife do that right now? Absolutley no way."

Nor should she have to. Telling everyone is just what YOU want to do to satisfy your ego.

"she has already said so."

I'm surprised that you sound surprised.

"Will i just suck it up. Of course i will because of D8."

How very self righteous of you.

"So please explain how im point scoring if i havent said anything about it? I havent even said anything to my wife about it."

Because you just spent a very long time writing a post showing you point scoring.

"I agree. It is her reality but as we both know affairs are fantasy."

Not really. Many affairs are a result of one person not getting a need fulfilled from the other person.

"I have had an affair. Before i met my wife. I met a married woman. We saw each other for months until she started talking about leaving her hubby (who was abusive) to be with me. Then i was no way. that was the end of that. The gloss wore off when reality set in."

For you, you didn't want the responsibility. You just enjoyed being with this woman to satisfy your own ego. Then when it became (in your words) "real", you bailed. You were the cause of breaking up the M. Doesn't matter if her H was abusive. She saw you as fulfilling her need the same way this OM does to your W. It's real.

"This is the same woman who is now remarried and tried to hook up with me 6 months ago. I rebuffed her."

How very self-righteous you are.

"But as it stands it is their little secret. She has chosen him and of course that hurts. What does it hurt. It hurts my pride. It jolts my ego."

Ah there you go.

"I wasnt happy for a long time either hence me acepting attention from someone else."

So? You could have done the honorable thing by going to C or D'ing her.But you had an A to stroke your ego.

"Would she look twice at this guy if he walked down the street? no, he is a lot older and physically not her type at all."

Then you don't understand A's at all. it doesn't matter how he is with his family. All that matters is how he is with her.

"Not even that, he has then tried to manipulate them to put them in the wrong all to protect his affair."

Going back, his control and manipulation is similar to yours. In fact, in your first thread, you wrote "My wife for the most part of our time together was very intimate on a regular basis but this has just drifted further and further.
I would bring this up every so often doing all the wrong things, blaming, only seeing my own needs, threatening separation/divorce etc. (stupid I no know)"

"I am a little concerned about my D8 ever being around this man having read some incidents with hs own children."

I'm sure your D saw how you acted towards your W and how you threatened S/D. I don't think those actions are proud points either.

"Do i really want my wife back? I just dont know. certainly not as she is now or has been for along time. She would say the same about me."

Comparing points again. If you're willing to take ownership

"Ego, pride are the pull at the minute. The fact that im having to lose my house, seeing my daugter daily, my lifestyle, my cat, and also my wife who at the end of the day is still my friend."

Ego and pride are what drive YOU and what got you in this mess in the first place. And I like how you added your W AFTER the cat.

"I'm not proud of what i have done either. We both made choices, very bad ones. We must now live with them along with everyone else."

What's with all the "WE"? Take ownership to what YOU did wrong. That's all you can do. Correct those things and lose the ego and attitude. Yes, I've been here a long time and I've seen MANY men who are EXACTLY like you. The ones who were able to save their M were willing to listen, lose the ego and learn. Those who let their pride stand in their way, crashed and burned.