WAW affair admitted 2

[Ontheup]

Hey Mr Bond

Thanks for the reply. Being a vet I value your opinion but I think some of what I'm trying to say is getting lost in written communication.
I agree I will no doubt find out who and what trusted means. I say trusted as I believe him to be. As far as im aware he does not think my wife is some sort of Sl**g. He has never once shown that. In fact he has been supportive, talking about a similar situation within his own family where the spouses did eventually get back together. He has asked about if there is any chance we can reconcile. We have had lots of discussion about marriage and affairs in general. Like I said, he doesn't know my wife, has never met my wife, nor is ever likely to meet my wife. He is someone who just listens. I cant just carry this burden on my own. I do need to talk to someone. As far as the comment about OM it was purely about OM. It was a comment my friend at work made as a joke. It relieved the pain for a whole 10 seconds while I laughed. This wasnt sent to anyone. There was no derogatory term used about my wife at all. Of course im angry about the other man. I know him, he's been in my house, he's met my daughter and they have both used me in helping to set up their business.

As far as my friends you are off the mark. I have known these people nearly my whole life. I see them very infrequently. When I told them we were separating they were there for me. They said if I need anything then just ask. They don't know what my wife has done. They only know what I have done in the past.

My wife texting mutual friend was not on. I could have been spiteful and told our mutual friend and the whole world what my wife is doing but i haven't. It isnt my place to do so. So yes it paints me out to be the only person who is in the wrong here. Granted i have done wrong also but you know what, if we both sat down with everyone i would be prepared to tell my side of the story. Get it all out. Would my wife do that right now? Absolutley no way. she has already said so.
Will i just suck it up. Of course i will because of D8. So please explain how im point scoring if i havent said anything about it? I havent even said anything to my wife about it.

I agree. It is her reality but as we both know affairs are fantasy. I have had an affair. Before i met my wife. I met a married woman. We saw each other for months until she started talking about leaving her hubby (who was abusive) to be with me. Then i was no way. that was the end of that. The gloss wore off when reality set in. This is the same woman who is now remarried and tried to hook up with me 6 months ago. I rebuffed her. They are not normal relationships. Normal realtionships are where 2 people meet without having to lie and manipulate everyone around them and i mean everyone. Her employees, me our D8 her family my family her friends his family his freinds. Nobody knows about it. Until i found out. They are built on lies and deceit. Does this mean it will never be a "normal" relationship, no. But as it stands it is their little secret. She has chosen him and of course that hurts. What does it hurt. It hurts my pride. It jolts my ego. It makes you want that person even though i know its for teh wrong reasons.
I wasnt happy for a long time either hence me acepting attention from someone else.
What does she get from OM? Comfort, emotional connection no doubt he makes her feel great.
Im trying not to comapare here but i will just for the sake of it.
Would she look twice at this guy if he walked down the street? no, he is a lot older and physically not her type at all. Does he have a good track record of being a good family man? No. He spent a lot of time away from his family to set up his business even though they didnt want him to. I have seen communication between him and his kids where he is just point blank lying to them. Not even that, he has then tried to manipulate them to put them in the wrong all to protect his affair. I have seen he has lied to his wider family about the affair. he has lied about business value to pay out less to his wife. He has 2 failed marriages 3 children one of which has serious behaviour probelms and 2 others who now have little time with him as he chose his needs over his familys. He lives 300 miles away. I could go on. Now if that was his advert in dating website do you think he'd get many hits? But this is why i use the words fantasy because although for her i get it its real the feelings she feels are real because i have been there, if she could look in on herself then she would be mortified. What does he get from this? My wife of course. 13 years younger and well out of his league if he and she were just walking down the street. An escape from his normality. He is alone so he gets her friendship and comfort. An ear to listen about his issues with family.

I am a little concerned about my D8 ever being around this man having read some incidents with hs own children.

What will happen? No idea. as i see it they can continue in secret which is probably preferrable right now or they come out and go public at some point. Option 2 though comes with a lot of risk.
I cant control any of it.

Do i really want my wife back? I just dont know. certainly not as she is now or has been for along time. She would say the same about me. If she said tomorrow lets get back together but nothing was resolved we'd just be in the same boat further down the line. Ego, pride are the pull at the minute. The fact that im having to lose my house, seeing my daugter daily, my lifestyle, my cat, and also my wife who at the end of the day is still my friend.

I know the affair is not my fault. I was fuel to the fire though. It was her choice to cross that line and to continue to cross that line. I'm not proud of what i have done either. We both made choices, very bad ones. We must now live with them along with everyone else.