How To Be A Man Only A Fool Would Leave

[PatientMan]

Notice how your feelings change so drastically and so quickly? That should serve as a reminder to you that you can't allow your feelings to control your actions. Really THINK about the man you want to be, how you want to act no matter what happens, the manner in which you conduct yourself which is not determined by any outside forces (such as how others treat you). When you're able to figure out who you want to be, consciously make decisions that make this person come alive - no matter how you FEEL - and you will become that person.

The best way for me to understand this was to think of detaching from MYSELF. This 'sounds' a little odd to me when I type it out, but it worked in terms of me being able to separate my mind from my actions and behavior, being mindful in each moment, accepting reality as it played out before me, and exercising self-discipline...all because at times I knew my feelings and flesh wanted something that *I*, in my mind and soul, knew I didn't want.

Let's apply this practically to how I read your post. You feel very strongly that you are 'done' with you W, so much so that you considered - in jest or not - sending your W divorce papers. Your feelings are so strong that you also have a strong desire to impulsively act on those feelings. If we were to dig deeper we may find that underneath those strong feelings, maybe buried deep, is the possibility that you won't always feel this strongly, thus the desire to move swiftly while the feelings are strong serve as a means to 'get things done' while the getting is good. Does this type of behavior remind you of anyone in particular? For most LBSs, it reminds them of the irrational thought processes of their WAS. And once we realize this we learn two things:

1) We learn a little bit about how our spouse felt/is feeling
2) We learn that, even as strong as these feelings are, we cannot trust them in isolation because it leads to irrational behavior that can harm those we care about (we certainly don't want to act like our wayward spouses).

Now, I am not saying you are acting irrationally. You, in fact, seem to be processing information rather clearly and much better than I did when I was in your shoes. But, it can be productive to tap the brakes and make sure you are very mindful of your decision-making so you don't veer off track only slightly now, just to find yourself WAY off track sometime in the future, looking back and wondering what happened.

This is just a 'heads-up' to really think about who you are and you who want to be. Do not allow your mind to change like a flag flapping in the breeze of your feelings. Feelings are real, they just aren't reliable. Detach from them, use them as a guide, but only as a guide to serve your larger purpose.

And I'm pretty sure I know the feeling you are having today, and for some reason it feels awfully good. Enjoy it! For goodness sake, you've been put through enough you certainly deserve to enjoy something.

-PM