I thought everything was okay....(Part 4)

[MCS]

Georgia,

Thanks of for joining in here, this topic is something that I've wanted to discuss, but frankly I haven't with any of my friends to the depth I'd like. Like I said, the sitch has gotten me to look at and consider a lot of these things in the bible that I took for granted before.

So for the 'unconditional' part. I guess I never knew it didn't show up in there. However, my feeling is the love that Jesus has over us is unconditional. He can be upset, angry, disappointed. We can make all of the wrong choices in life and he still loves us, he's just waiting for us to find our way. I see my current sitch in my M the same way. I understand how she got where she is, although I don't agree with her decisions. When I confronted on OM, I gave her a huge 'pass' on what had happened and just asked that we could work on our M. When she explained to me the predicament she was in, I even explained exactly what she needed to do to get out of it. However, she wasn't ready and got scared; I think.

Also, when we get married; I feel we do have the commitment to love unconditionally, not to an extreme but to the point that we are joined as one and just as we struggle with our own personal path and make mistakes, sometimes in M there's mistakes. I'm not trying to defend her, but I say to most people when they learn about my sitch. "My W is a good person, making bad decisions right now"

So as far as the role of the congregation. I've read the passage about sin and starting by addressing it in private then going to the church as a whole. I know that you're right she would probably stop going, but we are still indebted to helping folks even though they are not ready to accept it. I guess, if the only people going to church are one's that are not currently carrying sin that they continue to sin over and over again; there wouldn't be too many people there.

For my W, I think I can tell she's struggling with avoiding her morals/faith in church. The kids tell me that mom comes and gets them out of Sunday School so they "eat bread and drink grape juice." Having sat there just myself each week after communion since all this has started, its a pretty powerful time each week. It usually gives me the strength to look forward. I think that having the kids may be to distract her from dealing with what she knows is right. IDK, just an observation and I'm not trying to judge.

Also, since we are on this topic, after I confronted her about OM and I thought we were R; she brought up Potipher's Wife and Joseph. She said that she felt that the same things that caused his Wife to feel neglected by Potipher and drove her to temptation she felt was similar in our M. I caught that this was trying to place the blame on me at the time we were talking and replied back that I didn't think I was a Eunuch but also added that the story was not in the bible to talk about Potipher's Wife; but to show how Christians should address temptation. It was a weird conversation, she had just finished a Bible study on 'Bad girls of the Bible.' It also showed me how much of a struggle that she must have been going through the last year, having an A while going to Bible study.

So, I agree on Fireproof. I knew it was a little 'too' easy given the sitch he was in. Its a good exercise on a healthy or slightly troubled marriage, but not where he was. I also agree with No Progress with OM......Its what I've been waiting out right now. If I believe my W, the actual R was over before BD; I think my W was still in it and kept pursuing and that's one main reason she left. To show him how serious she was. If he was going to leave with GF, I think he would have by now. I think he's trying to figure out how to get out of this too, but I don't know. I can tell you, I may have prayed once or twice for him. He's got a kid and seemed to have more fortitude to stick with his current R because of his family (so my W says.)

My W is a person that is so driven to finish what she starts that she will sacrifice everything to get it. This was one of the main issues with our M, she would get involved in something 'fun' like volunteering and take it to the point that she was so stressed out it would affect every other part of her life. I think her pursuit of OM is/was that way. Its the main thing that she would need to change for me to be okay with reconciling.