KGirl - one year later con't

[KGirl]

Yes, I am so not interested in a multi-year payment plan thing. He was going to talk to the mortgage lender this week about maybe taking out a home equity loan so he can pay me at all once. His L will write it into the agreement so that it's a property settlement, so it's not taxed. We've actually already sorted out all of the household items (we did that back in June when I moved), but the court documents still require us to disclose all of the values and who has what, "regardless of how it has been or will be divided." Seems kind of pointless since there is no negotiation or discussion to be had over it, but H's L said we can just put "unknown" and "both" for every category of items so I'll roll with it.

I don't know. Was it really real? He broke up with me twice before we were married. He said he only married me because I gave him an ultimatum and he didn't want to be alone (which I did - either we got married or I was moving out). I thought there were enough happy times to make it worthwhile but I was hurt and felt disregarded a decent amount of the time. Claire had a post on Maybell's thread recently about marrying someone she never felt totally secure with. I don't think I ever really trusted my H as much as I should have or could have... for reasons that are valid, I think, but I shouldn't have settled for that. As Karma noted earlier, his commitment was always waffle-y. He was always worried about "missing out on things" and not having dated around (aka slept with other people). Good luck to him on that!

Ugh. I think I'm just in a mood right now. He was so dumb on the phone and I realized that actually that wasn't very different from how he always was. Cocky, clueless, thinking primarily about himself, bragging. But in reality low self-esteem underneath. I guess I just didn't want to acknowledge it before and now that I see it I have a lot of regrets. Time to figure out how to put that behind me and look to the future. I still hate the idea of being "divorced" and having that label - it can't really be undone. I was reading Underdog's post too about people she knew who D'ed and got back together.. so I guess anything is possible.. but I think having kids together so you have to make contact/discuss them is a big part of that.