wife during deployment EA/PA continued.

[Complex]

Sorry to hear man. I know exactly how you are feeling.
I had clear days recently but then I keep falling back. I'm still doing mistakes when I see her. I just need to let go. But it's so freaking hard. I gave my life up for her and put my heart in this, I went all in. And now this mess...it's so disappointing.
But I'm glad I had the chance to come here, start to build a life, althought I'm not even close. I know somehow I'll be fine, but I want to be loved...
My hopes were so high..a factor too that there was so much reassure on my wife.

But these rough days..I don't know what to do. I'm depressed and can't wait for more therapy session, hoping its going to help.

The best help on a day like this for me is to talk to someone. Share my feelings, listen to some people's advice and empathy, just to feel like a human.
I'd rather stay home in bed all day, but you have to leave the house. Go work out, let all your energy out. Do some boxing or so. Or connect with nature, but not all alone depressing. We have to force ourselves do GAL.
It's still such a long way for us tho but there's only one way..and that's forward.

Chinese saying:

If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present.
Lao Tzu