I immediately started doing all of the things that are totally opposite to DB. I started by writing a letter to him about wanting to save our marriage. I started doing the love dare (those of you who have done it know there are presents, saying I love you, pursuing). I begged, pleaded, cried, you know the drill. He eventually moved into the guest room. I felt like I was living in bizzaro world. We would talk, but not about anything important. We would eat dinner together or watch tv without saying anything. We were cautiously polite, but both avoiding each other when all possible. Sometimes he gave mixed signals, like trying to flirt with me. But then he would go back to being cold. Even before I got DR, I started GALing, just so I could get out of the house. He stopped going to our MC together (although we both went separately). Multiple times he told me he was 100% sure he wanted a divorce. Other times he said he didn’t know what he wanted. I tried my hardest to be nice, even though his attitude toward me was cold and hard. It was like a switch flipped in him. Although he had been selfish and not made me a priority for a while, he was never mean or cold. That was new.
We both are both Christians and during this time, he started getting righteous. Saying we were not spiritually matched, that our relationship had no spiritual foundation and it had been based on sex (which is pretty hard considering we were long distance for the first 8 months). Every so often I would try to talk about the R and of course it got us nowhere. If we were talking and he wanted to stop, I followed him and kept pushing. I sent him passages from the bible regarding marriage and parts of books I was reading. It was textbook. I eventually found these boards and started reading DR. I started trying to change my behavior. I went out more with friends, tried to stay away from R talk, not contact him first, stay friendly at home, make sure to thank him for things he did around the house. Everything I did was met with him saying that he thought it was all fake.
Months passed, we spent Thanksgiving apart. About a week before Christmas, he told me that he was thinking about moving out. I told him that I didn’t think it was a good idea, but that he should talk to MC about it. MC said she didn’t think it was a good idea either. We discussed it and agreed to give it some thought and discuss it again. That Sunday on the way home from Church, he told me that he was signing a lease that day. Talk about blindsided. He actually drove past the new apartment on our way home and the landlord just “happened” to be standing outside waiting for him to sign. So, he did it with me in the car…. We discussed the parameters of the move. He said it did not mean he wanted a divorce, that he only viewed it as temporary so he could have space to think and figure out what he wanted. He said he wanted to start going back to the MC together and have Sunday dinners. We agreed to split our finances while separated.
Me:36 H: 29 T: 4 years M: 2 years No kids In-house sep 10/4/14 H moved out 1/2/15 Talk of D 4/9/15
"She's standing on a line between giving up and seeing how much more she can take" John Mayer
