Oh sweetie, I'm sorry. I wish I could say I'm surprised by his actions, but, the truth is, I'm not.
He wasnt done, M. He was scared. Very scared. He came back to what was familiar, what he knows.
You being you, wanted to help him. The thing of it is, that you cant. You really cant. There are no magic words and no actions you can take that is going to change the fact that he is still in crisis.
He is going to do more damage before this is all done, M. How much you allow is up to you.
As long as you are invested as you are right now, its going to be alot.
You are allowing his words and actions to affect yours. You let him push you off your path.
He isnt capable of more than what he is doing right now. That isnt a free pass because he has to own his actions. Its just the way it is.
I see you trying to make boundaries. The thing about them is they have to be for you. They cannot be punitive. YOu cannot waiver. If you do, he will cross them again and again. When you make one, you have to be sure you are willing to die on that hill.
If it were me, the coming in for coffee, making himself at home and sleeping over would need to stop.
Your children are old enough to arrange time with him. He dosent need to go through you for any of that.
You need to take care of you right now, M. You are the only one who could do that.
You trying to figure out why he is back with her and what he is doing is going to make you crazy because it doesnt matter why. It really doesnt.
He is deep in the tunnel spinning away and you are letting him take you with him.
Dont. You have all the power here. You get to decide how you are going to act. You get to decide what you will allow and what you wont. You get to figure out what you need in order to be whole and at peace.
It's time to really and truly let him go. That means you allow him to live his life and his choices and you do the same. It means that he has to figure out his mess on his own without any input or help from you.
Leave him to blow in the wind right now, M. You take care of you.
