Jefe - The Beginnings of Courting - #9

[Jefe]

Her fantasy life that she was working on outside of you. That's what's going on.

I get that, I just meant IDK what specifically happened to start this wave of "Woe is me."

Having her in church is not a bad idea at all, the entire premise of church is a positive family structure and some of the positivity from the sermons will seep into her mind.

I agree. To catch you up a bit, she was employed by the church and we were both very active until shortly after the separation. They were pushing her to reconcile, seek counseling, or she was going to have to step down. She chose to leave. She quit attending about the same time. She has been inching back, though.

It's kind of soon. Try not to pursue her.

Not pursuit, but I was willing to cancel my plans and work beside her if she was willing to cancel hers, that's all. She has this habit of getting started on things with me and then leaving me to finish it and I was just not up for that.

But you would be wondering for a good reason. Knowing she doesn't touch or whatever the way she used to because of the OM. That she has compartamentalized you outside of affections and it does not feel good. ~ Boy she's kind of mean. She said she doesn't really care about your feelings, but you definitely aren't going to make her feel guilty by running your mouth, but you might call her on some $hit and it's "irritating" for her.

Knowing my wife, my take on it is. "I sure would love to come home and pick up where we left off with no consequences to my actions what so ever. Don't even talk to me about it and don't try and read everything I do." She, nor several people in her family do apology, penance, repentance very well at all. They would rather loose and arm that admit fault for having caused someone else pain. Say what you want about it, but this is what I'm dealing with. Not likely to change anytime soon, either.

Don't persue her. Some more GAL, some more time on yourself. Keep up the social stuff outside of her. I don't think she's learned her lesson about the cheating yet.

Not pursuing here. We're doing what we can (me and the kids). I'm becoming super creative dad. Lots of fun with little money. I live a 1/4 mile from a small urban lake and in my zip code and the adjacent one there close to 30 city and school parks/playgrounds so we are on the park tour this year.

She will have things that trigger her to come towards you and her family unit, and she will have things that trigger her in her selfish affair land.

There were people she talked to, places, things they did together, even music that can trigger her.

To really cut an affair out, they would minimize communication of anyone who supported it.

I agree on the minimization of contact of those who supported it. I think it was Sandi that said something similar about this and WAS suffering from depression who return. All the friends made during the depression should most likely go, she said. (something like that, by someone like that)

I agree with Peter. We are on a general upswing with a, sometimes violent, zig-zag motion up and down along the upward plane.

Not even close to where I want to be right now, but it's more than a lot of people here have and it sure beats where we were Oct-Nov.