First off I want to say thank you to Cadet and Linda for the responses. I very much understand and agree with what you had to say. This really is her crisis and she needs to continue to follow that path to its end. I had to give a call to my lawyer today to make sure I was completely covered with her moving out. He will more then likely be giving her lawyer a call/email today... who knows what the fallout might be from that, either way I'm not worried. I had a pretty good IC session today too, she offered comment on my W strange behavior this weekend. Effectively she chocked it up to denial, that as my W is forced to face the reality of the situation she uses things to help facilitate her own denial. Its a coping mechanism, which she says is completely different from how I am coping with it.
Cadet you are absolutely right the 180 here is to let go. For years I have always been there to help her in both my marriage and in life in general. I'm a fixer, when presented with a problem I look for a solution, sometimes right sometimes wrong, and set to fixing it. One of the fundamental lessons I have learned (and am still learning) is the let go, release control of the things I can't change, and stop trying to manipulate things to my favor. Honestly, that sums up so much of what has been wrong in my marriage for a long time. So yup time to 180 that S#*t and be a better version of myself.
Linda thanks for the words of encouragement, it is certainly my hope that I can be counted among those in the future. But for now she has a lot of work to do... and as Cadet and you have said its best for all concerned if she does that on her own. Its amazing how crazy can be sometimes! I think like your toothbrush story, she has done certain things deliberately to try and mess with me. I spotted it early and learned to try my best not to react to it anymore. On a side note operation AFSD is progressing nicely, been hitting the gym to get back into shape... and may have turned a head or two the other day in class. Not acting on it but nice to see
You know I read something the other day that said this.... If you really want to help foster a greater feeling of love, open up your contact list in your phone... find those friends that you make frequent contact with, or are you favorites list, and make a point of spending more time with them. I think in a lot of ways that is really some good advice, you don't need a ton of friends just those select few who really have your back. And just to address the whole group message thing. Honestly it was anything to crazy, but what I think it really was was a plea to send her love and "please like me like me". Maybe I'm wrong there... either way its her story not mine.
So here it is the new link! I'll keep posting here and looking for that support. But more importantly if I can help someone else out, even if its to let them know that they are not alone... that someone else is out there riding the same crazy train, then that will be enough!
Last edited by Andy125; 02/03/1508:35 PM.
M:34 W:34 D:8 D:5 M:10 T:15 BD: 10/10/14 D filed: 10/21/14 PA/EA:09/2013 EA:09/2014 - on going (online)
