I hurt so much for your son reading through your thread. He may only be 12 but seems to be a very young adult struggling with so many emotions of loss, himself. You sound like a wonderful father, HP. I can almost feel that energy you're trying to attract from here. Self respect and a level head looks hot on anyone.
This thing where your W assumes you're projecting all your feelings...I wonder...I see you asking if she might have a private moment to speak at the next drop off time...and gently telling her you understand her concern, look her in the eyes and tell her you are nothing but respectful and positive about her in discussion with your S. But that he isn't a young child or an empty vessel to be filled with your perspectives - and has his own thoughts and feelings about what is going on. It assumes a lot that what he is expressing to her has anything to do with your feelings about the situation.
You seem to have mastered the cordial neighbor thing and it seems this could be twice as powerful delivered in person instead of a text if it could be done with the same detachment and respect. If she really thinks S12's angry and hurt feelings are yours, she's missing the point that you're over this b.s., or thinks you coolness is an act.
Wishing you well, HP.
Mid 30's Psych-abusive M with violent tantrums from XH D 9/15; NC forever on
