You have to be patient. This isn't going to change as quickly as you hope.
This is what I believe your H is thinking...the "changes" you are making, are a ploy to make him change his mind. Why do I think that? Because your changes seem that way to me. Maybe I am wrong, just the feeling I get.
Your changes have to be sincere, and consistent over a long period of time. That's when they are believable.
My W and I are in a similar situation and let me tell you what she saw from her perspective.
Like you I felt like I was not pressuring her. I felt I was on even keel emotionally and that I was showing genuine change and was being consistent.
She told me she would look at me and see me swinging up and down emotionally. She did not know how I was going to act. She thought a lot of my actions were manipulative because they were not consistently changed for a long enough period of time.
Now here is the biggie. She felt tremendous pressure from me about working on the relationship. I was trying to change for her and the relationship and would ride along with her and her emotions as we both reacted to each other. When we were separated and spent more time apart we were doing very good. When we came closer together she felt more pressure from me and started to withdraw. I felt the withdraw and started to pursue and apply pressure that she was not ready for. This became an ugly dance and now she had filed D papers.
I understand as a LBS how we feel that we are not applying pressure or that we are creating expectations that are crushing us emotionally. There is some great advice above that you may want to read again. I wasn't patient enough in my situation so I beg you to try and slow down so you don't end up where I am.
M:34 XW:34 Together: 10y Living: 9y Married: 7y Son:6 Son:4 Separated: 12/28/13 Piecing: 5/2/14 Separated 2nd: 10/16/14 W filed, but pulled it: 11/5/14 papers served: 1/27/15 D final: 3/6/15
