MLCer and EA w/ OW

[Jer2911]

I hope this doesn't sound rude. The Mlc person always like to pretend that they were married and had kids by accident. That somehow it was not really what they wanted.
In your sitch obviously you didn't have children by accident. It was a planned decision for your family.

I think your sitch provides us with an example of clear bs that they feed all of us.

This is such a great point. True -- we obviously did not have kids by accident. In fact, when we met, one of the first important points we discussed was the desire we both had to have children and a family. It was not easy. We have many friends who wanted the same -- including some straight friends -- who had to go the adoption route because they were never able to conceive for one reason or another.

Which leads me to something that dawned on me late last week while I was praying one morning. I am not going to say that I heard a "voice" while I was praying, but something happened that made me come to a HUGE realization about our kids... As always, I start off my prayers by thanking God for all of the blessings in our lives. And those three kids are a huge blessing. I have always believed that about them and have always verbally expressed it. But while I was saying that in my prayer -- or after I said it -- I stopped speaking and as I allowed my thoughts to wander around that idea for a moment I has this very clear thought in my head about how thinking of our children as a blessing was actually very selfish -- yes, they are a blessing to be so very grateful for, but they are more than that... For the first time ever I started to understand that God trusted us (me and my W) with these three precious souls. They are a blessing -- but they are also more than that... We have been blessed and trusted by God to raise these children. There was never any promise that either of us would be able to get pregnant and we all certainly know of people who are never able to get pregnant or adopt or have children in any other way. The odds were against us -- especially since we were both in our late 30s. God chose the two of us to bring these three souls into the world -- and that is a HUGE responsibility. So my praying has shifted after I realized all of this... I am now praying very hard for God to help my W so that she can be the kind of parent that our children need. Of course, I always pray for a miracle around our R/M, but at the very least she needs to become healthier for the kids even if there is no hope for us as a couple.

But back to your other point -- our kids were no "accident" -- so the MLC BS is just that... My W in her MLC likes to say that she never really loved me, which I know is BS because she is too smart to have ever spent this many years AND gone through the process of having children with someone that she never really loved.