We sat them down in the kitchen table and ate take out. Conversation was joyful and light as it always is in our house.
They had no idea what was about to happen.
Two out of the three finished their food. My oldest son got up to leave and my W asked him to come back, she started to speak but couldn’t start. My oldest son said OK…., and got up again.
She stated that she has wanted this for “a long time”
She called our son back and had him sit with our other two (15,14, and 11) and stated that we had something to tell them. They were excited, and asked if it was a vacation or if Mom was going to take that new job that she was looking at. She said no, this was serious and to listen. She started to talk again but couldn’t, her words betrayed by her emotions. I had told myself that if this is what she wants then she would have to accept the consequences by starting the conversation. I had been so emotionally destroyed by her decision that I did not think that I could nor did I think that I should. Now however I saw my wife and friend in pain and my children confused…..there was no way for me to prevent it before or now….the only way through it is through it. I took over.
They had no idea.
I talked slowly as a third person, an outside observer in the bizarre situation that I still do not understand completely. “When moms and dads first meet and get married they feel that their love is forever. Slowly over time some find out that it may not be as strong as what they first thought and begin to wonder if they want to spend the rest of their life with the same person.”
My oldest son began to cry.
I continued, “This is where your mom and I are right now; we have tried everything but do not believe that we can fix our marriage while we live under the same roof. We know that we love each other but do not know if it is the type of love that a husband and wife need.”
I hated myself for saying “We” as it was not what I felt, but I knew not to lay blame.
“Nothing that you did caused this or could have prevented it. Your mother and I will begin to live separately starting next week.”
My other two began to cry, my oldest sobbed, my wife silent still until this point.
“We both Love you so much and did not want this for you.” My wife stated “we love you tremendously and everything will be OK eventually.”
We continued together, as a strong loving couple as I know we are but as we spoke, anger began to swell in me towards her. Anger due to her inability to be happy, her desire to leave, inability to communicate these issues sooner, to fix instead of dissolve, and most of all for putting our children through this. The only way through it is through it.
Then the heart-wrenching questions:
Oldest son (know withdrawing and detached) “Fine, yea, OK,…Who is staying and who is going” My wife, her voice shaky and wavering “I will be moving down the road into a apartment.” I thought the real why question was next but wouldn’t be asked for the next few days.
My youngest son, “what about vacations, Christmas…” My Daughter, “Why do this?”
The answer I wanted to give was mom does not want to work on this relationship because she thinks that she can have happiness with OM. That is why she is leaving…I didn’t ask her to leave and I don’t want her to go. There is nothing that I would not have done or changed for this woman to keep her in my life. But they say that is not well for the children, not to lay blame. So I said what we rehearsed: “your mom and I came to the conclusion that this would be for the best.”
We cried and held each other as a family.
In the weeks that followed, we signed an agreement, moved her out together, separated possessions equally, agreed to 50-50 custody, slept in the same bed, held and even kissed each other, and were very civil.
I cried daily.
All Bull*#T, I am amazed at the power of this MLC and OM on my W. It is amazing how accurate DB and DR is in regards to affairs. I heard the same statements from my wife. It is what keyed me into the actual reasons…”ILYBANILWY…we are not emotionally connected…I never have been connected with you…he is just a friend…he is not the reason…the problem is with me (W)…I cannot fix it without leaving…”
Oh well, I will take my ring off this weekend after I discuss it with my kids and let them know my reasons. As some of you have told me – it [censored]…hurts like a M**ther F#**#*# but the only way through it is through it. Ha, I truly loved that woman.
W-43 H-41 M-19 T-21 Kids S-15 D-13 S-11 OM/EA/PA suspected 7/4/14 Talk of Seperation 7/5/14 Slept in same bed, held each other nightly until 2/1/15 W moved out 2/1/15 I am moving on
