Ok, so you guys are all right and I'm a big fat idiot.
I was coming downstairs this morning while it was still dark & headlights flashed on me right through the window. It was xh pulling in next door. I couldn't believe I saw that. I started shaking and got so upset seeing him come home early in the morning. My adrenaline kept me up all night and I didn't sleep for one minute.
I called him to get it straight. He ignored and I called back. I asked what was up w him staying there. (I was actually calm and said good morning).He played it like it was no big deal like, so.... But kind of tripping over words of nothing. I asked if they were getting back together. He said it hasn't been decided yet. So I said, oh, so it's been discussed. Again... Blubber blubber. I said, you've been sleeping with her. And the anger started to show and Tried to deflect. So I said, so that's a yes. Silence.
Evident.
I said that I see he was using me to see the kids and is going back when s17 graduates? He said when s17 is good (which he is).
I reminded him that he told me he'd never do this to me again. He said there was too much damage.
So- I'm damaged goods. He damaged me- us- and can't put forth effort to fix it. So- the easy thing? Jump in the sack w her.
Why he is getting back into that when he's "not focused on a r right now" is beyond me. But, she knows what she is doing. He's clueless. And looking for easy-peasy. Well, easy she is.
And I'm not worth it to him.
So. Suck it up, right.
Rejected yet again. Old damaged family traded for a new. A fresh start. While I go it alone.
I don't know why I am shocked that he didn't come and talk to me. Again. That he did it the exact same way. That he shows no concern that it is right in front of me. I am angry at myself for believing there was hope.
And from him is now silence.
My poor kids. He looked right at d13 and told her he would never go back there. Ugh. She is going to have trust issues. So am I!
Been here- I know I can do this. But it I am tired of it.
