If she was still swimming in the WAS mentality it would have never crossed her mind and desire to tell you about it wouldn't have been on the list, even so.
I know you're two states away but I think if you showed up, even with your boundaries and hard lines, she'd be thrilled. Just because you want to see her (not there to convince her to come back. No crystal ball, but I bet she'd be the one to bring it up anyway.) Sounds like she is reaching for you a lot. OM isn't on her mind at 10pm, you are.
But what you are doing is drawing her toward you. Have you experimented with I reaching out to her to see if she pulls away or comes toward you?
Mid 30's Psych-abusive M with violent tantrums from XH D 9/15; NC forever on
