Is it really to late? Who knows....

[lost18]

Thanks Zues. We are already talking about our vacation this summer. We are from the same hometown and it is a big reunion year there. His sister and her family already bought their tickets and are staying at our place up there. He is also working toward getting his back fixed and once that is taken care of things MAY change.

The problem is that even if you ended everything today...it wouldn't stop the pain. It would go from the pain of limbo, to the pain of a clear loss.

I know you're right. I think it's the limbo that is killing me. I feel like the longer we live in limbo the harder the loss will be if he moves forward with D. I want a chance to heal and move on with my life if that is going to be the final outcome.

You'd need to detach a lot more before this would make sense to me.

I am not detached at all. I know that, I also know that I need more GAL activities to help me detach.

GAL and do stuff for you so you can cope

Need lots of work here, this is what I'm doing for me:

Continue to see IC, take AD meds, vitamins and hormones, meeting with a friend to run at least 2 times a week, adult league started again so I play ball and typically go out with team afterwords. I've been slacking with the house a little and need to get some materials to continue making some things I was making. Also, I've been talking about a photography course I wanted to take, the next one starts Feb 17th. This is going to be my Bday present to myself.

I need to do more, I know, there are some things I have been wanting to do for a while but $$ and not having anybody to do it with is holding me back. Some I can do alone, others I would prefer not to.

I know I need to focus on me, but it is so frustrating when I think about this other woman. I don't understand what either of them is getting from a long distance relationship over text and internet. Obviously I have no idea what her life is like or what he is telling her, but I think there comes a time when you want a "real" relationship, somebody to do things with and the physical touch that comes with it. I see my H everyday and I miss the physical part big time.