Can you explain a little more about what you mean here? Are you referring to something she would want the two of you doing together, or something just for herself?
Actually for most things, though she tends to want to do things herself. For items done 'together' I am just thrilled she suggests it (going to our neighbourhood restaurant once a week, if I am lucky) so I do not push back, unless, which is very rare these days, it is something that I simply can't stand.
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I have cut back on social visits (seeing how me being out with the guys got me into this mess) so not sure me cutting her loose to go and be social every night is a great idea.
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Just be sure you don't swing too far the other way and start smothering her with your presence.
I try hard not to. No loitering, just hanging around. Even in our apartment, I will be either engaged with something or in a conversation with her. Otherwise, out doing work/busy with other things or in another room.
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Since we don't know you that well, it will left up to you to look within yourself and think really deep about your behavior, attitudes, responses, etc. You know, we can say a lot without ever saying a word. Some men are bad to give negative signs when his W says something. Like rolling his eyes, or a heavy groan, etc. Do you ever do things like that?
Absolutely not. I am thinking only positive thoughts around her and when i am talking to her. It makes for a stressful experience, sort of like I'm on a perpetual interview. Always a neutral or smile for an expression. Funny or softly spoken speech. And really try to engage her with questions to make her be the one that does the talking.
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Do you ever say things that are tacky, or a little disrespectful? Make her the butt of your jokes? Embarrass her in front of friend? Put her down or thrown off about her when talking to others? These are things you need to observe about yourself.
Absolutely positively not. Not in forever, if it ever really happened. Im on eggshells right now, trying hard not to seem that I am on eggshells (as natural as I can be given the situation...)
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What about your tone of voice when you speak to her or respond to something she says or does? How do you sound when she calls you, or first sees you after work?
Once again, very measured. Nice, composed. If anything it may appear I am trying too hard. But i go out of my way to not come across aggressively or in any way that would make her close down. Except when she comes to me and says "I just don't think this is working....etc" I can't help myself but try to push back. Its like Im fighting for my life. But only in those cases.
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How is your mood at home in the evenings? What are you like when you first get home from work? A grouch? Angry? Happy to see her and ready to listen about her day? Interested in her daily life?
Very cool and with a smile on my face. Trying hard not to look like I am too over eager. But definitely engaged and open to conversation.
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Would you say you treat her as an equal partner, or more like a parent-child relationship? Do you think you are smarter than she is? Do you expect her to give an account of most everything she does, bills, money spent for shopping, etc. Does she have to ask you for money to spend?
So this is a difficult one, because I'm sure (based on what I said earlier it is probably easy to see) that I did act that way earlier. I controlled the family finances, and was constantly riding her because she was not very good at managing the bills and controlling spending, which made me particuarly annoyed since i was the person earning the money. She would complain that we should be approaching this as a team, and I would shoot back that it is not much of a team if I was the only one doing the earning. Not helpful, I know. Since the blow up, however, I have tried to really ease up on this, and try to be collaborative on money issues. I still control the account and would rather share it, but that's a hard thing to do when she's threatening to walk out on me!
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Does she act nervous and up-tight around you? What does her body language say (other than the time in the cab)? Is she stiff and unapproachable? Do you believe you had anything to with her being that way?
I think this has become marginally better over time, but it is still odd. She will never touch me (except for that one time in the restaurant, i stated earlier which was shocking) She does act up-tight around me and is definitely stiff and unapproachable. We lie in the same bed but she will quickly roll over so that I can't hug her good night.
I do believe one of her main love language is touch because before she gave up she was constantly asking me to hug her and stroke her head, stroke her back, hold her hand, etc. But now its completely off. The drop off in touch is easily the biggest difference before and after. And now I am the one that is fearful of reaching out, because I don't want to witness her pulling away. Its almost like I need a few beers to be able to do it! (sad sad I know). But its emotionally painful to have someone you love pull away from you when you reach for them (now I know how she felt!). But I have made it a point to reach out and touch her on occasions - when we wake up, when she or I leave the house, When we go to bed. In most cases it is just a very quick stroke of the shoulder or lower back, but I am doing it consistently and it has been fast enough that she hasn't pulled away.
