MLCer and EA w/ OW

[Jer2911]

Two thoughts this morning...

1. I had so little patience with the kids this morning... I am working so hard to be a better mom, but found myself yelling this morning more than I should have... Just had no patience while trying to get everyone ready for school and off to school... And of course, after the fact I feel overcome with guilt for yelling at them. I know it hurts them and it hurts me -- when time is not a factor I can give myself a "time out" and calm down or just allow them to have natural consequences... But in the mornings, the only natural consequence is being late for school (which means going to the office and getting tardy slips), and being late for school is NOT an option in our family. Trying hard not to beat myself up over this... I know, tomorrow is a new day and I can try to have more patience tomorrow... I had really hoped that doing meditation and prayer time in the mornings, before they get up, would help -- and it does seem to help for a little while in the mornings, but then everything falls apart as soon as one or more of them decide to play or mess around instead of getting dressed... *sigh*

2. I read on another thread yesterday to think of our MLCer as if the spouse we knew and loved is dead so we can grieve that loss. In many ways, I find this very easy to do. The W I knew and loved for nearly 10 years did seem to die 3 months ago. It really does seem like she just disappeared and was replaced by this other person. They don't even look the same -- and I don't mean just different hair styles and new clothes... The look in the eyes and the smiles are different... Behavior is different and values/morals definitely are different... I look at photos of her taken before October and it is often like I am looking at photos of a loved one who has died because it's been so long since I have felt the presence of that person in this home. It's really sad, but in a way thinking of her in that way does help a little bit.