Bright, We all have days of being up and down during this time. It's called "cycling". Your cycling is getting shorter and shorter, but you need to go thru it in order to heal. You are going to find that after each cycling period, you get a little bit stronger and little bit more detached. Don't fight it. You don't know what the future holds for you and we can't predict whether it is the end of the line or not. You and only you can determine when you've had enough and if you so wish to file, that is your choice.
Your new job has helped you so much. You're getting out of the house and actually earning your own money, you are interacting w/people every day and yes, you have even become friends w/many of them. I've watched you blossom. Your postings are now starting to be more about you, your friends and your activities, not about your h. What does that tell me? You are starting to focus more on you and what you need in your life to survive.
Yes, you can feel sorry for your h, but it's his problem if the check is not in the mail. Quite frankly, he should have an address whereby his customers can send him his checks and can pick them up himself. But, that's my opinion and as long as you are happy being the go between, then it's okay.
Look to today, find something to smile about. We all have many blessings in our lives and some cases, we don't even realize it.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
