I guess I was trying to save the relationship by talking and validating and apologizing, and I didn't jump on the family therapy offer right away as what I was doing seemed to be making progress. She brought it up so I figured it is an option, I would have of course preferred marriage therapy to try to save the marriage first. I'm thinking either would be helpful. Not trying to be defensive. Not sure how I should respond differently and I appreciate your input greatly..
I guess what I am asking is would it be beneficial to my marriage and my family. I see that some people don't like the therapy route. I believe I would enjoy it, but I am looking to save my marriage, not just talk. I want to do what works, or at least has the best chance of working towards saving my marriage.
Last edited by staytog; 01/18/1502:36 AM.
H49 W48 She left 12/25/2013
SS26 SS 24 D20 S19 D 18
Wife moved out left 17, 18 an 19 yr olds at home when I was incarcerated for tax evasion to take a job and live 4 hours away.
Last night I had all kinds of crazy thoughts about the things I should say to her. Stuff that may be true, but wouldn't help the situation. I have to remember to approach this all from a perspective of love, not ego.. That is a hard thing to do I guess
H49 W48 She left 12/25/2013
SS26 SS 24 D20 S19 D 18
Wife moved out left 17, 18 an 19 yr olds at home when I was incarcerated for tax evasion to take a job and live 4 hours away.
I am planning to bring up family therapy to wife tomorrow afternoon. She brought it up back in September when I was still in prison. I am thinking she might not be so receptive at this point, but I don't know that for sure and I am going to expect the best. I am going to ask her if she is still open to it, and if she wants input into who we choose for a therapist. If she is resistant, I am going to tell her that the kids and I will be going and I hope in the future she decides to join us as I think it will be very beneficial to the children. No pressure. Does that sound good to everyone? It is basically what Denise said I should do, and it seems right to me. My natural instinct and behavior would be to pressure the hell out of her, and I could easily do that with guilt, but I think I should do a 180 here...
H49 W48 She left 12/25/2013
SS26 SS 24 D20 S19 D 18
Wife moved out left 17, 18 an 19 yr olds at home when I was incarcerated for tax evasion to take a job and live 4 hours away.
Well, after no contact with her for about 10 days, maybe two weeks, and the last contact was just business we had to talk about, I didn't call in other words, she called me this morning and was very pleasant and asked how I was doing and when I was going to be home. To be clear, she isn't living at the home I am going to, but all in all a very nice conversation!
Last edited by staytog; 02/09/1505:22 PM.
H49 W48 She left 12/25/2013
SS26 SS 24 D20 S19 D 18
Wife moved out left 17, 18 an 19 yr olds at home when I was incarcerated for tax evasion to take a job and live 4 hours away.
Read Sandi's 37 rules before you react to OM situation or any situation. Most likely after reading the rules you will decide not to react. I know it's hard my W has had multiple A-s. My W is D ing me for a man who has multiple domestic cases, attempted strangulation, drug related charges. (22 court cases in one state alone and he's lived in two other states)
Work on yourself so that you can give yourself the best chance of reuniting! If you don't reunite you will be better prepared for a new R.
M 53 W 44 D25 D20 S22 PA 10/95 BD abt 2k EA BD 9/2004 PA D'd 1/05/05 DB'd 9/2004-08 PA ends 02/2005 XW rehab 03/2005 piecing until OM3 June?/2005 Remarried 12/28/07 BD 12/18/14 Sep living together
I'm sorry I responded to one of your older posts, so my post doesn't make any sense for what you are currently thinking about.
I personally would go to family C in your situation, I would use all of the DB skills you have learned. If your W asks you to do it's okay IMO, but wouldn't push her into it.
M 53 W 44 D25 D20 S22 PA 10/95 BD abt 2k EA BD 9/2004 PA D'd 1/05/05 DB'd 9/2004-08 PA ends 02/2005 XW rehab 03/2005 piecing until OM3 June?/2005 Remarried 12/28/07 BD 12/18/14 Sep living together
Thanks JBird! I plan to use no pressure on her, just "Are you still open to this?" If not, I am going anyway and will tell her she is welcome if she decides to join us. I have read Sandi's rules repeatedly. I am resisting the urge to send flowers for VDay. I am going to send her some Dunkin Donuts Coffee which she loves and can't get where she is. My daughter will go see her this weekend. I think she will appreciate it. Not too pushy, not too romantic. But shows I thought of her.
H49 W48 She left 12/25/2013
SS26 SS 24 D20 S19 D 18
Wife moved out left 17, 18 an 19 yr olds at home when I was incarcerated for tax evasion to take a job and live 4 hours away.
