Gogofo - LRT letter - planning a new beginning

[gogofo]

After work today W asked me to bring home dinner so we could get to unloading the furniture and not have to clean the kitchen.

After dinner we had some good team work and unloaded everything we had loaded up. Had a little family time with our boys and then put them to bed.

We sat down in front of the tv and had a beer. W said she was hungry so I cried up a little snack for us and she opened bottle of wine. We then chatted about random things and she started to share a little about her night yesterday. Things were nice and relaxed and friendly.

Then it hit me, now was the time to get up and leave the room. So I got up, told her thanks for the wine, tonight was enjoyable, and left for the basement. This is pretty big for me and I am happy I did it. I really wanted to stick around and share the room with her, but since things were going well I figured I would leave and maybe she would be left wanting more. I know I was, but I didn't want to over extend my welcome or start to over reach again. It took a little bit of guts for me to do it, but I am proud of myself.

I have been thinking about this attitude I have been feeling recently. I pretty much have been feeling that I will be spending my last days together in the same house with her treating her the way I would always want to treat her. I have not been expecting anything back from her other than hoping she notices the man that I am. If, when I leave or before, she chooses to finalize the D than that is her choice but it will also mean she wil be losing someone who truly cares about deeper than most anyone could. I am not actively looking for or seeking a reaction from her.

I think this is me getting closer to dropping the rope. Am I right? I don't really expect her to change her mind. I don't expect anything from her in return. It would be nice if she did, but I cannot base my actions on her possible reactions. My actions are for me and what I think I would normally do as the person I want to be.

Why should I treat her differently than I normally would? Just because she said she wants a D doesn't mean I need to change me or my actions if they are true to who I want to be. I am not going to change to justify her feelings that I don't share.