I think I'm done

[mustardseed]

You have some great points. Financially, I feel relief when I think about not having to share it with him anymore. I am pretty sure I will be able to pay off my car and an expensive impulse vanity purchase I made in December within a few months if I am living with my parents. Yes, my finances will be much better once he is out of my life. They are already better since we have separated most of our finances anyway--but there are a bunch of bills I can reduce (and even eliminate temporarily while I am living with my folks). There is also the possibility of buying the house next door to them--the neighbors had it listed then removed the listing but plan to list it again. Homes are so much cheaper out there than around here--and my parents would buy it for me to rent from them with a rent to buy option. Before I didn't think it would happen because I want to pay off my debts first, but since the removed the listing I think that I might actually get the time I need to feel comfortable with that commitment.

I do have some of my own friends. The people I work with. My friends from before marriage, who I have been making more of a point to get together with lately. They are also connected to him--friends of mine are married to family members of his, but he has been MIA with them and I have been closer to them throughout the years. Plus they all live out there. I'll be closer to everyone and everything I care about (except my job and my kids' school--and him).

You are right that it will be triumphant. Even the kids are on board about moving out there (as long as they don't have to change schools--according to my daughter--they go to a private school so they won't have to even though it will be a long commute for them).

Everything will be better, except that I won't have the man I love in my life anymore. And right now there really isn't much to love about him. And also it do feel like my heart breaks every time he has the kids without me. The idea of that happening 50% of the time is very difficult to wrap my head around. But I guess I could get used to it.

Writing all of that out makes it a no brainer. My rational brain knows what the right thing to do is. My emotional side usually screws it all up though lol.

So how do I take control? I guess I have to get my stuff together to give to my lawyer ASAP.