But I think this emphasizes, we can only do what we can, in the end, its not up to us.
This is what its all about. I've struggled mightily on this as you probably have read. My IC has worked with me over the last couple months with this and I think she knows me enough now to give me that departing 'itch' that I think about each week. One time she told me "MCS are you at the point that you've realized that there is nothing more you can do?" I took this as 'defeat' for that week. Well, the next week she said to me something like; "if you can't control the situation and you are a religious person, do you have faith in the outcome?"
Well, that one sealed it for me. This finally letting go manifested itself as anger and frustration (it was suppressed so I wouldn't 'lose control') that it seemed like this all was one sided.
To be honest with you, I think it was more timing than anything. Funny thing my L said when I first talked to her.
"MCS, I don't know why; but the guilt of the WAS lasts almost 5 months to the day. If you are looking at getting something, that's the clock that you are working against."
Well, I think this is partially true. IDK, but I think my W is finally starting to get over some of the guilt in what has happened. This could be that she's over it and is just as committed to going this path, but I see her as back to 'normal' or that she realizes that I'm not using the 'truth' to manipulate her to get what I wanted.
I'm a little on the fence that I had to resort to being so stern and not caring of how she reacted when I walked out of counseling the other week, but good or bad; I needed to do something to try and make this situation better for the little ones. I had relinquished control of trying to repair our M, but knew that I needed to put the kids out in front of what I was doing.
It's weird, in one case I'm happy that W seems to be approaching her normal self, but on the other, I've thought that the 'wall' she built up around herself was masking the confusion she had in our R. If she's back to normal and still wants a D, well that stinks......I guess I need to leave it up to faith....
M:36 W:37 T: 15 M:11 S6 D5 BD: 8/10/14 IDLY: 8/12/14 S: 8/13/14 (she left, I stayed w/ kids) D Mentioned: 10/15/14 Confronted about OM: 10/15/14 EA: ~4/13 PA: ~10/13 She filed: 8/15 (not final)
