You need to calm down. You need to cool your head for a minute or so. Perhaps you do not see it, but when we read your posts we can feel the turmoil inside you.
You won't accomplish anything in this state of mind. Breath and then breath some more to have a clear mind and make decisions on whatever.
From were I am sitting you sound very depressed yourself. Are you taking any anti depressant? Just something to take the edge of this pressure and anxious time?
Hey, and I am not being rude or making fun of you. I am myself hurting too. Unfortunately for us, we can not cry loud and get what we want.
These crazy words show how you are not well right now... I need to know what is going on? Why, why you need to know?
Do you know where is he living already? It seems that for now his parents show up to help him.
Honey, you also need some help, maybe a good cry with a friend or family, it would make you feel good. You need to give some space to your H, maybe some time off (maybe a feel days) will take the pressure away for both of you. And then in a few days maybe you too can have a decent conversation.
I sure never want to go surfing on a hurricane stage 5, you see all about that scenario would be the end of me. So, take a few days to regroup, you don't need to hurry so much and destroy so much.
Again I ask, what you think you can accomplish when you are so mixed up yourself, when it is all boiling inside your head and your heart?
Think about what is your goal, what do you want with this conversation, what is the impression you want to leave, what different in you he will see next time. If you are afraid of the D, then don't push to it. The more you act this way the further he will want to be from you.
Think...Think... Think... and thiiiiiiinnnkk a little more. Try to make sense on all the middle and the ends will be justified.
Hope you are feeling better. No one is taking you pain for granted. But re read your posts when you feel better and you will see the desperation we can see from outside.
