Requesting support and direction

[RosaLinda]

today my W gets the keys to her new place. She decided on Sat night that she wanted to talk about logistics of her moving out. While I wasn't thrilled about having it, I decided that it needed to happen one way or another. I was very civil with everything, I tried my best to smile, I offered some suggestions on how she could move certain things.

I know it breaks your heart, but believe me Andy, the fact that your wife moves out does NOT necessarily mean the end of your marriage. It is just the next step that your wife feels she must take in her elusive quest for happiness. There are a couple of people whose spouses moved out, who later reconciled. Two I can think of off the top of my head are Raine and ReachingHigher. In fact, ReachingHigher's husband decided to give their marriage another try while standing in front of the judge in DIVORCE COURT!!

I agree with Cadet, it will be easier for you to set boundaries to protect yourself and your kids once your wife moves out. And hopefully, she'll finally realize that you're the man only an idiot would leave, and come back to you. Good for you in deciding that's it's something that needs to happen, and for deciding to be civil and helpful about it. This is something she feels the need to do, and you need to let her do it. URWorthy used to tell me all the time that my husband needed to "feel the loss of me" before he would be able to truly see me again. But I never let him feel the loss, I not only did not kick him out, I let him stay in our home for 3 months after we were officially divorced. It did not serve me well at all, so let your wife go on, and complete this journey she's started. They do need to go thru every step, and they must do it alone. Cadet is always saying that we did not break them and cannot fix them, and it's true.

When my W finally emerged from her room downstairs she decided to organize the pantry.... this just boggled my mind! Yes it certainly needed to be done, but why she decided to do it yesterday was beyond me. After she had picked through all of the little things that had expired and organized things, she began talking about what we should probably stock up on. UUUMMMMM what?!? You are moving out? You are getting yours keys tomorrow, we had a conversation about moving last night.... WHAT?!?!

I don't know why it is Andy, but most of us LBSs have stories of our spouses acting odd and contradictory. Bipolar disorder is a good analogy! I often thought maybe my ex was becoming psychotic. He went thru a spell once where, for about a month, he moved his toothbrush to a different spot in the bathroom every day. So strange.... And when his Lyme Disease returned (he has a bad case and had been on intravenous antibiotics for 9 months) he refused to go back on antibiotics and decided to eat fermented oatmeal instead. Honest to God, he would mix oatmeal with yogurt and leave it in the boiler room until it was rotten, and then eat it instead of antibiotics. He has not given me flowers for years, but sent me roses last Christmas. Even the fact that your wife is obsessed with Australia and mine with Russia is bizarre.

I was informed by one of my best friends that she had sent out a mass message via Facebook to some of our friends stating our sitch. That she had ultimately decided to end our marriage, and that any questions or support could be sent both our ways.

I'm sorry she did this before you were ready to share your life story with your friends and family. My ex did almost the same thing -- sent out a mass email informing everyone that I have been cheating on him our entire married life, that I am a big phony who acts nice and sweet but they should try to see thru my big act, and that I had attempted to POISON him. Sigh... It was SO embarrassing.

When is your wife leaving? How will it work out with your daughters and you in school full time?

PS Did you read what I wrote above about how many people read your thread? It had 2,065 views at 1:40 pm on Jan 31st, it has 2,200 as of right now. And you need to start a new one!