Read all of these email drafts as though you are the one receiving it. Toots is simple and sweet. Yours has a lot of expectation and business tone to it. I feel pressure when I read it. Even the line where the empathy is offered, I guess bc it reads assuming (even if it's true). Less is more leave him room to figure out a time/method to contact you - almost sounds like you're trying so hard to ensure it will happen, he's got no power in that.
I am excited for you bc you're no longer looking at a brick wall.
Let me see if I've followed correctly? Things went well until you lost your temper over the Tinder thing, right? I get it. I nearly drove my car off the road when my H said 7 days ago he wanted to see other ppl. I nearly screamed and gave up when he said something else a few days later. My hurt feelings kick like a big raging mule. I am sometimes embarrassed at the strength of my anger in whatever proportion to the thing I think I'm so upset about. Sounds like you regret the way you handled and/or trying to minimize what was so symbolic about Tinder and all?
When I read your posts, you love fiercely and react fiercely. You seem like you have so much fire and passion. This is probably what drew your H to you! It might be overwhelming to a guy just trying to hear himself for the (first?) time. I don't know if there was any magic in the words I spoke to my H yesterday. But when I told him that I had no interest in seeing his actions as right, wrong, justified or not - and I realized he did what was right for him at the time, I had to deal with my feelings about it all as a separate thing - he put his ring back on as unceremoniously as you can do something like that. The important thing isn't that I said it, but it's truly where I'm coming from. That's the freedom your H is looking for, I think. Total room to make his own choices and learn how to think for himself, I believe. Pulling back may not be about no contact in your case, but leaving the ball in his court 110% while showing respect, and keeping YOUR feelings dim - he can barely handle his own sounds like
I respect you so much for your courage.
Mid 30's Psych-abusive M with violent tantrums from XH D 9/15; NC forever on
leave him room to figure out a time/method to contact you - almost sounds like you're trying so hard to ensure it will happen, he's got no power in that.