So what you're saying is that I'm in control of my emotions, not the other way around. This is HUGELY important and something I so easily forget. It's hard to remember that I can pick and choose what I'm willing to feel. Feelings don't happen to me, I choose to experience them, right?
No, it means -- feel it. Acknowledge it. And then COUNTER it. "I feel fear. WHY do I feel fear?" And then pick that answer apart, see what's rational in it and try to solve for that (or at least acknowledge that it may have to solve for itself in the right moment) and understand what is not rational and can be let go.
Quote:
I'm so afraid though of things that havent been said, words he hasn't uttered. I'm afraid of what I assume will be said, my worst nightmare of words and I'm afraid of those visceral reactions. So scared of not being able to breathe. Of suffocating with fear even more than I already am. Fear is a hard thing to "fake it 'till ya make it" through, you know?
What are those things? What's the worst he can say? How would you respond to him if he did say those things? Is what he's saying reasonable and accurate? If so, own it, and list the ways in which you've worked to change them. If not, give that back to him (I had a friend who, in her mind, pictured those things as a beach ball and imagined herself *literally* handing the ball to her XH). Don't own his stuff.
Quote:
And I get NO apologies. NONE. I get no amends. I get no recognition of his role in any of this. And why is it important to me? BECAUSE IT IS. It just is. I feel like it's the adult thing to do and the right thing to do and with all that was so wrong in our marriage, I feel I am deserving enough of at least that. Recognition of all I put in. Recognition of all I've been through. Recognition of all I sacrificed for the sake of his career, our family, his wants and desires. Recognition of all I put forth so we could maybe, possibly, hopefully have the connection and satisfaction of a truly loving marriage.
Did you see what I wrote today? Did you see how I was answered? I get it. I can't answer it better than that, but I want you to hear me and feel validated. I get it.
Quote:
The grief is unbearable. Why does it freaking hurt so much?!
Because you were all in. Because you didn't get a say. Because you intended better. Because you tried so hard and were treated so shabbily.
Quote:
Ss, you're a mess.
No worse than the rest of us, sweetie.
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
