Raliced - No. 5

[Shakspr]

raliced

You remind me of me. You are in an assessment phase, so I'll try to help as much as you did:

" It's one of the few times since BD that I've really let myself miss him as a person."

Accept this for what it is, but don't wallow. We loved our spouses for a long time, and it wasn't all bad or we would not have married them. I had a moment like this while I was coming out of anesthesia...granted, drugs were a factor, but I remember the moment with utter clarity. We miss sharing and intimacy even when everything else is gone.

"the losses: the loss of our connection, the loss of our friendship, the loss of a family unit, the loss of our history and I start to think that this Divorce is tragic."

This has been a central part of my pain. Loss is probably the emotion post-D (often coupled with various forms of regret) - that lasts longest. You will soon allow yourself to count the gains. Over time, they will pass the losses, and your life will be much richer. You can't make this happen, it will just come. You will stop feeling guilty for feeling good.

"leave the door open to reconciliation, which would still be better for everyone. Focus on you, focus on the kids. Don't get entangled with anyone else"

Absolutely leave the door open as long as you want. Or close it. That is a decision which is 100% in your power. Do focus on the joys in your life. Here's my only real bit of advice/philosophy outside DB as you look to the future. Hope for a new/better relationship someday is healthy! But, I will not engage in another relationship until I feel I have as much to give and as much to offer as I am looking for in return. Since I DO NOT yet feel whole, it will be quite a while yet. I suspect about 1 1/2 to 3 years, just because I have looked back on my life and that's how long other large traumas have taken to recover from.

Chin up, you. Just because the Seahawks lost on Sunday doesn't change the fact that they had an amazing season.