Complex #4 - D talk started / Detaching continues

[Complex]

Toots: I don't want S. But do I have a choice? The living situation is rough. She seems very stressed and pressured with me around. My detaching seems to fail/she smells that I have hopes. So now she doesn't wanna waste more time and get it over with.
The A as such doesn't really exist. Factual, she loves him but both can't do anything bc of M and it seems like they went NC for a while. She plays it down that it might actually never happen bc he isn't as into her as she into him. But I assume she wants him and give it a try with him and pushing D. She denies it, either concious or subconscious she has the "idea" of a R with him. But I don't know her thoughts obv.
But it all boils down to marrying me was the main mistake she made. Everything else is what followed. That hurts like hell.

Starsky:
You're right. Her thought tho is that she DID tell me of OM at BD. I didn't take it serious enough, lived in denial for a long time. But I tried to reassure OM isn't a factor and she then lied. She told me she tried very hard to overcome her feelings for him and wanted to love me but she just couldn't. I give her credit for her initial honesty. But it came too late, she checked out already and then denied it and got sucked in by her feelings, S me and totally let her feelings fly for him bc she thought its legitimate now. Then I found out, she realized it's morally not correct so now she wants D asap.

I just still don't know how to deal with a person that now is using my DB techniques against me, telling me the exact same things. She's empowering herself and validating everything for herself, even trying to convince me of it being ok. The initial M vow whatsoever is the big mistake, rest just followed it's destiny. And I almost believe it. There's truth in it...but it doesn't excuse S & D in the way that it happened...am I right? Sry I need to hear this again bc I am confused.


And now what am I doing??? It feels like if I don't play along, she'll play hard on me. It's just so ridiculous...How can I do this "right", the loving way without giving myself up...!?!?!