How To Be A Man Only A Fool Would Leave

[Mozza]

We see this so much in threads from the LBH's. Why are they so paralyzed by the fear of D? I could understand financial ruin, possibly losing their children, being alone, or something of that nature. I have a hard time really understanding the "fear" of the D itself.

Divorce is not the end of the world. Sometimes it even gives the couple a second chance where as nothing else seem to work. And as HP has said more than once, he can see himself being happy with a different woman.

I am just trying to understand what the "fear" really is about for the men. Does this mean all those jokes about the old ball & chain is just a cover, and the truth is you are just as emotionally dependent on a M as a woman? You really don't want to be single, like guys pretend?

I am afraid of D because I'm afraid that the negotiations leading to it will push us further apart. I'm afraid of this volatile environment where we share, in an adversarial context, our differences about money, children and home countries. I'm afraid that third parties will push us apart, by imposing their vision of what's fair and what we should each get out of the D. I'm afraid some false movement on either part will get the guns blazing.

I've also never been one to joke about the "balls and chain". I was happy and proud to be married, especially to this W. It's not so much because I was the provider, but because I was provided and balanced. My IC observed that for me, being M, was a "problem solved". I'm not that comfortable around women and finding one that I love and that loves me back, feeling so lucky was such a feeling of accomplishment, even of relief. I found her intelligent, witty, gorgeous, fun, positive, sociable, etc. I've always thought that sex is better in a stable relationship and we had a very good sex life, so I never felt like I was missing out on sleeping with other W. I don't know enough what it means to be emotionally dependent, but I've put a lot of my heart and soul in this R, doing and saying things that I meant only once. The "us" was very important to me, the intimacy, be it intellectual, emotional or physical. I don't think that there's only one person for me in the world, but I do think that I can make one person very special for me.