Shocked by W

[hjoseph]

Hi everyone,
Here is an update:
On Saturday, I took SS to his soccer game. Per the agreement made with W and SS's far\ther, he spends every other week with his father. However, for the past few weeks, I have been keeping him during the same weeks I would have my S. I don't mind. To me, he is my S. I've been in his life since he was 6 mo. old. After the game, we went to museum. We had a blast. Took a lot pictures and posted them on FB. Afterwards, I received a call from grandma from SS father's side and she wanted for me to drop him off and I did. For the rest of the evening, S and I enjoyed the park.

On Sunday, I ran a few errands but I mostly spent the day with my S at the soccer field to practice. We watched the end of the Super Bowl afterwards. Later that evening, I logged in on FB and I noticed the W liked most of the pictures I posted of the museum (even the ones with me in it) and of the soccer practice. Very unusual because she had not done so since our separation. She would usually copy the ones with the boys and post them on her page or scroll past them and tell the boys she saw them on FB. I only brought this up because a mutual friend who is her age once told me that is somewhat of a significant event for them. Personally, I don't see it.

Overall,It was great weekend. I am still NC with the W. To be honest, it is starting to feel awkward calling her my W when I am starting to feel like I am not M anymore.

I am thriving through this separation. My finances are in order once again. I love my new civilian career. I will attend graduate school. Physically, I am never felt better. Back to 6:00 min mile pace. I am back on the path I was on before W went into the fog. I might even say farther along the path now. I still feel empty in regards to my emotional and physical needs. I was always hesitant to follow through with the idea of an actual romantic date. I've taken a few friends out but it was for the company. Now, I feel like I am ready. I don't know where that puts me. I am totally against cheating/having an A but I am excited with the new possibilities. I love my W and always will. Her A is still ongoing ( at least I think it is. I don't keep tabs on her) and she hasn't shown any interest in connecting with me. even as friends for the sake of the kids. We barely communicate about anything. She has not any inclination to move towards our M. At first, I thought she didn't know how to approach me because her behavior would seem over the top. I had asked for something. She answered and I said thank you. She replied with a your welcome. I know that seems ordinary but she has not been this polite to me since I left for deployment in 2013. My mother gave me some advice, based on another event she witnessed, in regards my W's inability to communicate with me. My mother said: "Her shame for what she has done to a good man might be too much for her. She would rather stay the course instead of having to admit any wrongdoing or admit she made a mistake. She knows she is about to lose you. I can tell she is hurting. She is smart but still young. Trust me, she will have to show her hand soon enough. D or R" I didn't believe it for my W seemed pretty sure in her decision. I left after I told her I couldn't live in an open M. A few months went by,I asked if we could R and she said no. I have been NC for months and she asked for D. Now, we don't talk unless its about the kids. I am pretty much hit the bottom of the barrel in her hierarchy of relationships. I laugh about it all the time with my colleagues. My exes would speak higher of me than my W would.

I am very thankful for the time she has given me. I am better for it, but I do miss talking to her. It wouldn't bother me if we were not M anymore. I miss my best friend. She was my equal in life.