How To Be A Man Only A Fool Would Leave

[gogofo]

Why are they so paralyzed by the fear of D? I could understand financial ruin, possibly losing their children, being alone, or something of that nature. I have a hard time really understanding the "fear" of the D itself.

I fear D, not as much as I used to now that I have been served papers, because I feel that the M is still a link between my W and I and as long as the papers are not signed we have a chance. I know this is not the reality of it and that it is just a civil contract that has nothing to do with the heart, but that is where my fears are. I fear that we will be done forever when the D is final, and I still really love her and would exhaust all efforts to try to save the M. The D just feels like the final nail in the coffin.

Divorce is not the end of the world. Sometimes it even gives the couple a second chance where as nothing else seem to work. And as HP has said more than once, he can see himself being happy with a different woman.

I know that D is not the end of the world and that I still have the same chance at reconciling with my W if we are D or not. I can also imagine being happy with another woman, but I am not done fighting for this M. The W and I even talked at different times during our M that we would have never got along or been able to date in high school because we were different then.

We even talked about that we both didn't really believe in the whole one lid for one pot metaphor. I think people love the idea of fate bringing two people together, when you are in love. If you still believe this after a D, you need to do some serious GAL and DB. I was at this point a year ago.

Now I am faced with a very real D possibility, about 95% sure it will happen. So I bought a house and am moving forward for myself and my kids. I hope the W turns around and decides to come along on my adventure, but I cannot control that. Maybe she will or won't, but I can't base my life choices on expecting she will. I did that for too long over the last year.

I would rather we continue to live together, but it would not be good for either of us. We need space and separation. I need to focus on me and not me to fix for reconciliation, I do not do this when we co-habitate. I am trying to focus my actions on my wants and needs, and who I want to be, not her reactions. I am working on being independent of her reactions, I felt like a court jester for a while and did not like that. If she finalizes the D or not, I have my path that I am going to walk.

I am just trying to understand what the "fear" really is about for the men. Does this mean all those jokes about the old ball & chain is just a cover, and the truth is you are just as emotionally dependent on a M as a woman? You really don't want to be single, like guys pretend?

I know I am just as emotionally dependent on a M as a woman. I never felt like she was the old ball & chain and never really joked about her in that way.

I really liked being M to my W, some of the best times in my life. She even caught me talking to a couple of my employees after a Christmas party. I had been drinking and was tell one of them that he should propose to his GF and get M. I told him how great it felt to be in a M and how much I loved being M to my W. She told me the next day that she was behind me listening in and thought it was cute. She expected me to be telling this guy he needed to stay single longer, but was surprised I was telling him to get married.