Now, since I have a discretionary day and I've already changed the water in my turtle's tank, I thought I'd review my collection of Dating Profile Gems and present the best of the best...yeah, I really am! Here goes...remember there's more comedy in real life than in fiction. I should publish these one day lol.

I can bet most of you that I’d kick your asses on a gun range and or skeet shooting.
Looking for someone that knows how to inhale and exhale.
I spend most of my time with my 2 pit bulls.
I do not respond to “Hey baby, let’s do it”.
Please at least message me a “hello” before you begin detailing the wild sexual positions that you wish you could get me into.
I do not like self fish.
You had better look like your photo... or you're buying me drinks until you do!
If the extent of your conversation is “how big are your boobs” then please move on.
I'm looking for someone who knows how to handle themselves in the event of a zombie apocalypse.
I stitched a cat once.
When you say you're looking for a "down to earth" woman, that means to me that you want to bury me in your backyard.
Please respect my desired age range. And no I won't "try" you because you're younger and “think” you can last longer.
I’ve been very lucky to have several long term live- in relationships with men.
About myself I am simpel hardworing woman.
I am a well education woman
I am capable of world travel without you.
You are a man who recognizes that running shoes do not go with all your outfits.
Please do not comment on my ethnicity or looks. I know I’m Asian and I do own a mirror.
No cheap cologne. Old Spice makes me gag.
Looking for a man with ...a good sense of hummer
Kinky means I'm open to interesting things, not that I'll do you just because you cross my path.
I would like to find someone to date who doesn't already know and/or date everyone else I know.
Most things I attempt... except pole vaulting, I can think of better things to do with poles.
Food wise, not a big fan of bugs or organs...
Please have a photo without a girlfriend whose face is painted black.
I went on a date once and was told I'm "marilyn monroe meets the bride of frankenstein meets mother teresa... and it’s all valid.
Dating would probably be easier if I were a single-cell being.
On a typical Friday night I’m talking to the dead.
Ride me off into the sunset, baby!
Stop here if you own your dad's jeans...it's just not right!!
If you’ve fallen and on the way down hit every branch on the ugly tree, don't get nasty if I don't reply.
I am Chinese looking for a man in a similar condition
I'm too lazy to look for love in bars or grocery stores when I can let my fingers do the walking and surf dating sites in my pajamas.
I have one child who is fourteen who will not be meeting you.
I am very patient unless you irritate me
I am adaptable and don't mind a constructive discussion without holding any grouches.
I would really like to find a man close to my bone marrow compatibility
...couples always look so sensual when they are good at salsaing.
As an adventurous spirit one of my big goals is to travel the world, in order to attain this I plan on winning the lottery.
I’d like to know where you live, the names of your children, and what you like to do for fun before seeing your thing. I’m funny that way.
I'd like to meet a man who isn't full of crap.
I like my men like I like my books...well read and bound in leather.
I am politically political when it comes to politics.
My rule is that if you go home with a man and he doesn’t have books...don’t f*** him.
Behind every good man is a tired woman
Seeking my passion fruit to complete my fruit bowl of life.
I hope we have beautiful feeling each other,
I am still learning the language, which I found to be fascinated
God and I are on good terms, I just wish he were louder
I am a good looking Filipina like you
And I would prefer that you not whip it out at our first meeting. I wish I could say I was joking but sadly, I am not.


Divorced February 27, 2012.

"Only by love is love awakened".~ Ellen G White